What It Means To Love You
by clare-neko
Summary: Kaoru has been in love with Kenshin ever since they were children. But he's never returned her feelings. Especially now that he has Tomoe. What is left for Kaoru? Kind of KaKenTo - complete!
1. what it means to love you

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 1: What It Means To Love You

Summary:

Kaoru has been in love with Kenshin ever since they were children. But he's never returned her feelings. Especially now that he has Tomoe. What is left for Kaoru?

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

**(Kaoru's POV)**

There you are. You're standing alone by the streetlight, hands in pockets and messy red bangs grazing your eyes lightly.

You're so beautiful; do you know that?

My whole body fills with a strange, almost painful feeling just looking at you. Beloved, do you know what you're doing to me? You are the only boy I know who makes me feel this way. And yet, do I do the same for you? Does the mere sight of me fill you with such happiness that it seems more than you can bear, like the way you do to me?

I shake my head, clearing my thoughts.

I am on the other side of the road, waiting for the light to turn red so I can cross and get to you. The cars whiz by me in colorful blurs but I can only look at you.

Finally, the streetlight turns red and the cars stop, letting the other lane have its turn. I lift my hand and wave wildly, trying to get your attention as I walk to your side.

Finally, you spot me crossing the road. A smile appears on your dear face, lighting your amethyst eyes. I feel my heart skip a beat and then some. I smile broadly back.

But wait. Your smile isn't so very wide and lonesomeness emanates from you. Why is that so? You seem so lonely, as if you think no one cares for you. I'm here, Kenshin. Always have and always will. Please notice that. Even when the world condemns you, I will always be by your side.

I reach your side and smile again.

"Konnichiwa, Kaoru-dono," you greet warmly, your eyes shining with the love of friendship.

I whisper, "Konnichiwa, Kenshin."

You're my love, my inspiration, my tormentor, my darling…and yes, my best friend. And what do you see when you look at me, Kenshin?

Am I the childish tomboy who gets herself into trouble always?

Am I the naïve little schoolgirl with a crush?

Or do you see me as your best friend, little sister, and confidant?

I'll never know the answer to these questions. I can ask, yes. But I'm too afraid. Huh. Afraid. Me. That's funny. I'm the one who fearlessly jumps into fights, boldly answer to the teachers and stand up against the bullies, seemingly fearless. But I cannot ask you a simple question. A query that may make or break me. When it comes right down to it, I am afraid of losing you more than anyone else. And being rejected is even worst.

Tell me please, I'm secretly dying here.

"Where are you going, Kaoru-dono?" you ask politely, tone curious but not prying.

I inwardly sigh. We have been best friends since we were five and yet you still refer to me as 'Kaoru-dono' as if I am just a friendly acquaintance, no more. Can't you just call me by my name without any honorific? Can't you at least give me that? If you cannot love me, then please, just say my name once and I will pretend to be contented.

You push back your long bangs but they tumble back stubbornly and my fingers itch to touch them, let their silky texture pass through my fingers. Your beautiful amethyst eyes are looking at me expectantly and I wonder how they will look when they are full of love for me.

I clench my hands and hide them behind my back so you won't notice. My heart wrenches in suffering and my throat tightens.

Because of you, I have become so emotional. I cannot think straight when I am near you and when you are away you're all that I think about. I sometimes cry myself to sleep and wake up in the same state. When this happens, I know I have been dreaming of you and the dreams ended with no happily ever after for me.

Because of you, I have fallen in love with my best friend and my feelings are one-sided. If there is a heaven and hell on earth, I am in it now.

Because of you, my grades are slipping and I cannot sleep. But I don't care. All I care now is how you truly care. You did that to me to. You made me now care about anything else but you. Or maybe I do it to myself.

"Just walking," I finally reply, looking down on the floor. I saw his sneakers. They were the one I gave him for Christmas last year. My eyes travel upwards and I see the pretty bead bracelet around your wrist. I did not give you that. There are letters on some of the beads and they form a word.

I squint my eyes to make out the words. T…O…M…O…E…

Tomoe.

She gave that to you. _Her. _An incredible surge of bitter jealous washes over me and I nearly tumble into it, getting lost forever. I close my eyes, allowing only the jealousy and keeping the pain from entering my system.

"I h-have to go." I wince at the cracking of my voice and I quickly turn around.

I am about to walk away, ashamed of losing control in front of you and making you suspicious, when you grasp my wrist, holding me back. I don't turn to look at you, biting my lower lip and blinking furiously.

God, I can't keep acting like this.

Your voice is worried. "Kaoru-dono, what is wrong? Are you all right?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. My voice is strained when I say, "I'm f-fine, Kenshin. P-Please let my wrist go. I have to leave."

I could feel your reluctance. Finally, you let my wrist go and my secret hope that you would not evaporates in the hollow of my broken heart.

"Well, if you need someone to talk to, I'll be at Tomoe's," you inform me with brotherly concern.

So, you are going to her home. Tears prickle in my eyes and I quickly walk away, not bothering to say goodbye. I turn at the corner and I catch a swift glance of you. You are looking at me with confusion and concern then I couldn't see you anymore. I stop walking and lean against a brick wall.

My breathing is shallow but not because of weariness. My heart is hurting and the tears are now falling freely down my face. My bangs cover my face in shadows and I am shivering. My head and heart and soul are swimming in misery and I cannot control myself.

I only wish you won't try to follow me and see me in this pathetic state.

Ever since the day I fell in love with you, all I've known is torment and pain and misery with only the most fleeting moment of happiness.

So this is what it means to love you.


	2. we love him both

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 2: We Love Him Both

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

**(Tomoe's POV)**

I watch you. You seem like the loneliest figure even when you are surrounded by your friends. Your eyes shine with an inner fire that only a few people possess and at the moment, they are full of joy mingling with pain. Yes, I know what you feel. I can relate, don't you see? But you will never tell me. How can you? The man you love loves me.

Oh Kenshin, what you have done to her.

I hear you, from across the hallway, laughing at something the spike-haired one is saying. Your laughter is genuine and everyone smiles. I see him grin as well, with you and because of you. I would feel jealous but I know where his heart lies. And it is obvious from the look of friendship-love in his eyes.

If you know what I am thinking, you would hate me. I am possessive but I don't show it. But it is in everyone's nature to feel possessive of something they cherish greatly. You would feel the same too, ne?

He catches sight of me and his smile widens. I feel my own lips curve into a smile, though a much smaller one. You notice that he isn't paying attention to the spiked-one anymore and follow his gaze. Our eyes meet and I see you, far as I am, tense. Your face is stony as he says something then comes towards me.

"Tomoe," he says fondly, taking my hand and giving it a soft squeeze.

I don't squeeze back but he understands. But I do say, "Kenshin," with a little bit of warmth. I am no ice queen, but I am not the welcome wagon also.

I glance at you surreptitiously at the corners of my eyes. You, as I see it, are trying to ignore us, holding hands and looking like a very attractive couple though we are not talking and only Kenshin is smiling. As usual, I am my gravelly self. I can't be any other way or everybody would bombard me with conversation I can't handle. I am not a people-person, unlike you. You reign in the middle of everyone's attention while I reign in a room scarce of people.

"Tomoe, who are you looking at?" he asks me curiously, cocking his head sideways, his red bangs tumbling over his forehead and eyes. Secretly, I feel a thrill in this. There is no doubt that Kenshin is very handsome and one of the things I love about him the most is his wonderful red hair, so long and silky. Resisting the urge to touch, I shake my head in the negative.

"No, I was just sweeping my eyes around," I fib, gazing into his amethyst eyes. I am not embarrassed that I am at least one or two inches taller than him. I know he'll grow much taller, even if to just tower over me an inch or two. Besides, I am not a shallow person. Even if Kenshin had a face full of zits or flaws, I would still love him as long as his personality stays the same.

He beams. "Let's go to class together," you suggest, completely forgetting.

I arch a brow. "But I thought you always take Kaoru to class."

"Oh well, I'm sure Kaoru-dono would understand. She's great that way." I can hear the friendship in your voice when you speak of her and secretly I am glad, so, so very glad.

I look at you and you meet my eyes directly. Your sapphire eyes are full of dismay and envy.

"Okay. But tell Kaoru that you won't be going with her."

-X-

How devastated you are. For one clear, quick second, you look so forlorn and heartbroken that it touches my heart but you quickly regain your composure.

"Okay Kenshin," you say in an almost wavering voice, trying to smile. Since I was once like you, I can pick out the signs of desolation obviously though you try to hide it. "I'll see you this afternoon, ne?"

He looks at me and then back at you. He sounds terribly guilty.

"I'm so sorry, Kaoru-dono, but Tomoe and I have some things to do. Please forgive me," Kenshin says imploringly, bringing up a placating hand.

Your smile turns brittle. "O-Oh. O-Okay," you softly concede, eyes cast down and an aura of sadness surrounding you.

After a short moment, you finally look up and your eyes are bright and positive again. "Then I shall see you tomorrow afternoon!" you say hopefully, smiling widely.

I am in awe, truly I am. You do not let anything damper your spirits for more than five minutes. Your happy and hopeful nature always surfaces no matter how great the darkness looms over you. I admit, I am not that hopeful or positive, I give up easily when I should fight for it.

But for Kenshin, I would fight like never before, I would not lose hope, just like you. For Kenshin, I will fight to the death.

But I can't say this to you now. Maybe someday. When the time comes and maybe you will stop hoping so the pain won't be too staggering. Hope can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. I don't want to hurt you. In some way, we are friends because we both love the same man; love his personality and endearing ways. And in that, we reach a certain agreement that Kenshin is different, that he is worth fighting for.

Well, I will certainly fight for him.

The spiked-one, Sano, glances at me accusingly. I could feel the struggling emotions in this one. Then I look at you and then at the spiked-one then back at you once more. Something dawns in me.

Kenshin takes my hand and pulls me away.

Your eyes flicker at our adjoined fingers and grimace somewhat.

"See you later, Kaoru-dono, Sano," Kenshin says as he walks to our class, bringing me along. I look back at you and the spiked-one, see your face again with that brokenhearted expression and strangely, my heart goes out to you. But I cannot give him up.

I am sorry Kaoru for having brought you so much pain but I am not sorry at all that Kenshin loves me and I love him.

Before we turn a corner, I see spiked-one embrace you and you turn around, accepting the comfort he offers. His eyes meet mine and there is a burning rage in them as he holds you and I feel that the rage isn't for me but for Kenshin.

-X-

"Hey."

It is spiked-one. He is leaning against the school railing, his arms casually folded against his chest.

I don't say anything. I just look blandly at him, pausing at the stair above him. My eyes question what he has to say.

Sano, the spiked-one, straightens and glares at me. "You know, don't you?"

I said, "Know what? I know a lot of things, Sano. I do go to school."

He is not amused. His frown deepens and the brown irises flare with anger.

"Do not play games with me, Yukishiro. You know how I feel about her. I saw the way you looked at me this morning." Sano clenches his bandaged hands into fists, eyes suddenly faraway. "And you know as well as I do she does not return the feelings. Your precious Kenshin is all she thinks about."

There was bitterness in his voice.

"It is not my fault Kenshin is with me, Sano. He is with me because I love him and he loves me. You cannot blame us. We are not at fault here," I say to him solemnly, tugging at my books.

Sano sighs suddenly, all anger leaving him. "I know. I am not blaming you or Kenshin, honestly. You deserve each other. It's just that…"

"You hate seeing her so miserable and there's nothing you can do to change it," I finish for him when he trails off and his eyes meet mine and they are full of surprise and relief. He nods slightly, a bit uncertain.

"Yeah, that's it."

And I say to him, "You have to bear it, Sano. If you love Kaoru, you'll bear it and make her happy. If Kaoru loves Kenshin, she'll bear it and make him happy. Not necessarily as lovers but as friends. Do that and maybe she'll realize what's standing right in front of her."

I do not wait for a reply from him and I see that he will not answer since his face is thoughtful. I climb down the stairs and I see Kenshin standing by his car, waiting for me.

"Hey."

"Hi, so, what did Sano want?"

I just shake my head. "Just asking for advice."

-X-

**To be continued...**

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. I fully intend to make this story angsty and drama-ish. I love sad endings though the ending won't exactly be so sad...kinda hopeful...anyway, keep reviewing because they make my muse's day!!!


	3. disaster strikes

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 3: Disaster Strikes

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

**(Kenshin's POV)**

"Mom, dad, what's the matter?" I ask my parents one night, noting their tense expressions. They dart one another nervous looks before glancing at me. Mom's face is pale and drawn as if sleep is not something she does anymore; and dad's broad shoulders look tense and straight.

I sit on the sofa opposite to them and expectantly wait for them to tell me the problem. I know they don't keep things from me since I am too good in knowing whether people lie to me or not.

"Well Kenshin, dear, we have something to tell you," mom starts awkwardly, refusing to look at me. I wonder if I had done something wrong that upsets them. She looks at dad suddenly. "Ruhi? You tell him."

Dad nods at my mom and looks straight into my eyes. He is a straightforward kind of guy and he doesn't beat around the bush if he wants to say something. "Well Kenshin, I just got promoted by the company." He then pauses.

"That's great dad! You deserve it," I congratulate him gladly. After years of slaving for his rigid and uptight boss, my dad definitely deserves this promotion. But what I cannot understand is why he doesn't sound too excited by it.

"So why do you seem as if you don't want the promotion?"

"Well son, my promotion comes at a price. You see, if I am to accept this promotion this means my family, our family, has to move to Canada. In other words, I am deported to the Canadian branch where I will be the manager there."

The news stuns me and I gape at them. For a moment, I do not comprehend what my father has just informed me. My hands grip the leather seat of the sofa, reeling.

"Please understand dear, this is all for the best. Now please don't make a scene," she implores at me, holding up a palm.

Then my brain starts to function again and I start to sputter.

"Leave Japan? Leave our town, my school, my…friends?"

This was something that I cannot fathom or accept. Well, not right now. It was fantastic to leave my friends, my girlfriend!

But…

I look at my dad and see his weary eyes. True, he doesn't deserve the treatment he gets at his job since my father is a very friendly though frank man.

"It's all up to you son, if you want to leave Japan or not. I won't be selfish and leave the decision up to me only," dad tells me resignedly though his voice his sincere and ungrudging.

Yet could I be that selfish and tell him not to take the promotion he desires so much?

-X-

Dad gives me a few days to make up my mind and I just want to tell him to make the decision all for himself. This is too much. I am torn in two. I do not want to leave my friends and Tomoe but I want to give my dad this promotion. If only it weren't in Canada…

"Kenshin! Kenshin!" a loud, feminine voice calls at me from behind and I stop, looking back. I see you running towards me, ponytail hair flying behind you and sapphire eyes dancing.

I smile warmly and let you hug the air out of me. "Konnichiwa Kenshin! I thought you were busy this afternoon!"

Today is Saturday and we have no classes. Which is unfortunate for me because I want the distraction school offers to keep my mind of the big decision.

But I think you will be a greater distraction.

"Change of plans, Kaoru-dono. Do you want to get a milkshake at Iruga's?" I offer, gesturing at the local bistro only a street away.

You nod your head eagerly, mouth set in a wide grin. "Sure, why not? I don't have to go to the library for half an hour anyway. Let's go! I want the strawberry shake."

We cross the empty street, you chatting away and I trying to listen, and we enter the café. It isn't very crowded today and what luck, there is an empty table by the glass wall that faces the park on the other side.

You sit down on the table and I go to the counter to order.

Strawberry milkshake for you, chocolate shake for me and a large plate of curly fries for both of us.

I wait for a moment as the employee gathers our order and I dig out my wallet, taking out a few bills. The employee places the order on a tray and I give her the bills.

I pick up the tray and head towards the table where you are waiting, gazing absently outside. You look at me as I put down the tray and sit down on the chair opposite to you. You immediately pick up your shake and sip from the straw.

"So Kenshin, what gives?"

I look at you in surprise.

"Pardon Kaoru-dono?"

You roll your pretty eyes at the polite query or the honorific after your name. I can't explain it as well. You're such a wonderful person that it seems unworthy if I do not add a respectable honorific after your name.

You pick a curly fry and point it at me, eyes and voice frank. "Listen Kenshin, we've been best friends ever since Kindergarten and I can read you like a book, better perhaps than you read yourself. So I can tell when you have something particularly heavy on your mind."

Maybe I am transparent to you. Or maybe you're just attuned to other people's emotions that is why you know people so well. But still I don't want to tell you. I don't want to tell anyone or lest you try to influence my decision. I want the final decision to be utterly mine.

"And besides," you add mischievously, "you were practically pouting so much that I was surprised that Oprah didn't catch wind of it."

I sigh, unable to contain it.

You hear the strain in my voice and you immediately look worried.

"Kenshin, what's wrong? Is it so terrible?" you ask softly, reaching for my hand and covering it reassuringly.

I look into your eyes and see the very anxious look in your depths and the burning desire to help, whatever it is. That's what makes you such a good friend, Kaoru-dono. You are so nice and helpful even if it gets you in trouble. That's why I cannot return your feelings. Oh yes, I know that you're in love with me. How could I not? Even a blind person sees it; it's almost tangible. But I am not mocking you. I just try to be blind because I do not want to hurt you with direct rejection.

But maybe I hurt you more with my seeming obliviousness and I see the way you flinch whenever I mention about Tomoe or am with her, even as much as you try to hide it. So if I tell you, it will only hurt you.

Don't you see, Kaoru-dono? I am not worthy. You are a perfect soul, a wonderful person, a beautiful and caring woman and me…I am the least perfect person who is liable to hurt you, really hurt you, sooner or later. You do not comprehend the darkness in me since you only know the light. Tomoe…she understands. She knows how it feels and that's why I love her so.

I am so sorry.

But maybe I should tell you. Yes, I shall.

"Kenshin?" you prod kindly, softly.

I take a deep breath and tell you everything. The promotion, the compromise, my indecision, dad's decision to leave it all up to me and my torn feelings of leaving all my friends and fulfilling my dad's dreams.

You are silent after my confession, staring at me in utter shock. Your hand over mine grows tense and your eyes are incredibly wide.

"I see…" you trail off and pull your hand away. You clamp down on the straw and take deep sips of the shake. You seem to prolong your silence and your face looks solemn as you think deeply.

I rake my hand through my red hair, sighing once more.

Damn, damn, damn and damn! Just when life is getting good!

Then I catch a glimpse of you, eyes suddenly sparkling with tears.

Well, maybe not completely good. Life will never be fully wonderful if any of my friends is sad, especially you.

"So? What do you think?" I ask you finally, breaking the taut silence. All around us is the noisy sounds of the bistro while our table is unusually noiseless.

You bite your lower lip and look at me with eyes misty. "I-I guess you have to do what you have to do, K-Kenshin. Even if it means…" you falter for a while, paling. "Even if it means going away. If…if that is the right decision you think it is."

I close my eyes and fight the emotions that surge within me. Images of my past and present come to my mind, you, Sano, Megumi, Misao and the others…and Tomoe…

Then my parents come to mind. Smiling and looking proud of me, no matter my decision.

"Fuck," I curse darkly under my breath, letting the darkness touch my a little with its claws.

Then I remember that you are there and obviously disgusted at the blasphemy I have committed. I look at you quickly and am surprised at the wry smile on your face.

"Ditto," you say then burst into tears.

-X-

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Sadder things are to happen, so hang on to your tissues, minna-san. And oh, the little bistro Iruga's isn't real and only used it since I'm a Ragnarok-freak. Anyway, as I said, this fanfic isn't going to be exactly Kaoru/Kenshin or Tomoe/Kenshin though I don't really like Tomoe, no offense to you fans out there.

Major warning: This will be REALLY angsty and full of drama and terrible, terrible things so please don't blame me if something awful happens...you can blame my muse 'cause she's the one who gave the idea!!!

Please review!!!


	4. an end to us

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 4: An End To Us

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

**(Tomoe's POV)**

My parents are out for the night. But that's not surprising since they are always not home. But I don't care. In fact, I find it kind of relaxing to be home alone, giving me time to think.

The television blares softly in the dark living, casting luminescent shadows all over the place. I like the dark, when it cloaks me protectively from prying eyes. I watch the characters on the screen run towards one another and indulge in a passionate kiss.

I roll my eyes at the drama and flip to another channel, pausing when I chance upon Disney Channel. Usually, I do not watch these kind of shows but it was either this or the 'icky' romantic movie.

So 'Tuck Everlasting' it is.

And I find myself enthralled by the movie, by the morals and lessons and heartbreaking and hopeless love between the characters. Even though I don't find myself within the characters, I find that I sympathize with them, for the bleakness of their situation. What would it feel like to live forever?

The ending came as no surprise to me. The girl didn't drink from the 'spring of youth' and dies a few years before Tuck comes back and sees her grave by the spring.

But if I were in a scenario like that, would I resist the lure of immortality to live a life without the man I love?

Then I shake my head, scattering the silly thoughts that suddenly surface. How ridiculous of me to suddenly think of such things! What a fancy, living forever with Kenshin. Maybe I am another helpless romantic at heart, pretending to be the grave and seldom smiling girl I am.

The credits roll and I turn of the TV, casting the living room into more darkness. The house is eerily silent and deathly dark while the other homes shine with their electric bulbs and whirl with the sounds of the radio and TV. But I am comfortably sitting on my sofa, allowing my hair to stream down and wearing a pair of drawstring jogging pants and a loose shirt.

Only in my house, alone for the night, can I truly relax and unwind.

Then a frantic knock snaps me out from my relaxation.

Who on earth could that be?

I warily push away the sofa pillow I am hugging and climb to my feet, walking towards the front door. I look through the little hole on the door and see a head of red hair outside. I sigh; I can't really say I am glad to see you tonight and I can't really say I want to shoo him away.

"Tomoe?" you call from the other side of the door and I quickly unlock the door and pull it open.

You give me a hesitant smile; let your eyes run over my frame before entering. I close the door behind you and turn around. I notice that you seem to radiate tension and a deep, piercing gloom. Your amethyst eyes are shadowy and grave, not to mention very exhausted.

"Are you all right?" I ask you, placing a hand on your scarred cheek.

I would never do this in front of people but when we are alone, it's lovely intimacy. And you seem so troubled by something, soul-deep unhappiness.

You give in to my touch and let out a strained breath. "Not really. It's just…I have to tell you something, Tomoe. But you must not freak out." You pin me with your stare and I feel my heart skip a beat. Something is terribly wrong, isn't it? And it involves you, and me and everyone else.

I feel the urge retort that I never freak out but I don't do it. You seem too agitated for my sarcasm.

I lead you to the dark but cool living room and we sit down on the sofa. Your shoulders hunch down in seeming defeat and your mouth is set in a straight, agitated line. And your hands are clenched into fists, lying on your lap.

"Kenshin? What is wrong?"

You close your eyes for long moments and then open them again and you turn to face me directly. The deep pain and mistiness in your eyes shocks me and I unconsciously take one of your fists in my hands, soothingly rubbing it.

"Tomoe…I…" you swallow thickly, your jaw clenching and unclenching. Why not just tell me? Please tell me what's bothering you and maybe I can help. I may not show it much but it pains me to see you in such a state.

I…I love you and you can trust me.

But I remain silent.

"I don't know how to tell you this…this is probably the hardest thing I have to do," you start haltingly, taking your eyes away from my gaze and fixing it on our adjoined hands. "But I have to. And the decision has been made already."

I frown, eyebrows snapping together over mystified eyes. "What? Kenshin, you are not making any sense. What decision?" A sudden horrible thought invades my mind and I gape at him, dismay dawning on my face. "A-Are you breaking up with me…?"

You take your time in answering and fear pumps at my heart. I let go of your hand and draw farther into the sofa, away from you. Then you are breaking up with me but oh why? Why? We are so happy! Is it because of…?

"Kaoru," I say, thanking whoever was in Heaven that my voice didn't waver but held a calm bitterness. "Is it because of her?"

"No, it's not because of Kaoru-dono. Never. I love you Tomoe and she's my best friend…"

I grind my teeth in impatience as you pause again. "Then what is it? Is it because of me? How can you say you love me when you're dumping me?"

You flinch and look at me, your face tormented. "Tomoe, we're not exactly breaking up but in a way we are. My…my dad got promoted a few days ago…and, well, there's a bit of a compromise."

I level my gaze at him, mouth dry. "What kind of compromise?"

A sick feeling rises up in my throat but I hold it down, composing my self to accept the worse. Anger and apprehension surge through me and I grip the fabric of my shirt.

Your lips twist in a grimace and in the hazy darkness I see your eyes glittering with tears.

"If my dad accepts his promotion…he, he will be transferred to Canada, in their branch there," you finally confess, flinching as you say it. Your voice never quivers but it is hoarse and infinitely sad. "And he left the decision up to me. If I decided for him to accept they our family goes to…Canada and if I decided for him not to accept then we stay here and dad has to put up with his bastard boss."

I am speechless. For a full second, I cannot say anything.

Then I find my voice and I say mutedly, "But you are staying, aren't you? It is your decision and you can't leave…leave for America!"

Life without you is suddenly all too possible and unbearable.

"Tomoe, I've made my decision this afternoon," you inform me unsteadily, voice rough and painful. "I was with Kaoru-dono and we talked. Talked about the past memories, moments and I realized…I told my dad to accept the promotion. It's for the best. Yes, for the best." But who are you trying to convince, yourself or me?

"You didn't talk this over with me? But why?" I could not grasp it. You already said it but still. You're really leaving. You've told your father to accept the promotion and you'll soon migrate away; far, far away from me.

But why?

You lick your dry lips and press the heel of your hand to your eyes, rubbing them furiously. "Tomoe, you have to understand. This is my family we are talking about. I just can't let my parents down. They've sacrificed too much for me…and my dad deserves this much." You look at me with your pleading wet eyes and my chest aches. "Please don't turn away. I need your support right now."

I see the beseechingness of your eyes and the misery radiating from you and I push away the pain building in me for the moment to comfort you. Yes, I understand. Even if we have different families, your parents always there and loving you while mine is never around and could care less for me, I still understand. But it will take time to accept this.

You reach for me and I fall into your hug, our arms wrapping around each other so tightly, afraid to let go. And to my utter embarrassment, tears fill my eyes and I clench them shut, willing them to back off. But they don't listen and spill over, trailing down my cheeks. My lips quiver and my chest is aching with a foreign feeling of abandonment and extreme sorrow.

So, this is how it feels to lose the one you love the most. This is how Kaoru feels. But then again, I am only losing you in a physical, tangible sense. You will only be thousands of miles away from me physically but in heart and mind and soul, we'll still be together. As long as we love each other.

And here lies my fear.

What if…what if…you fall in love with another while we are so far apart? The saying 'out of sight, out of mind' chills my blood and increases the flow of my tears. Please don't…

I realize you are sobbing as well, like me, only soundlessly. Our hearts beat together with a dull ache and I bite my lower lip to keep from crying out my fear, my pain.

_No_, I tell myself sternly. _If you really trust Kenshin and his love for you, you will not think these stupid thoughts. And if you love him as much as you tell yourself, you will trust in him and always be his. _

After long minutes, we finally pull apart. I hastily wipe my face from tears, sniffling quietly. My skin is clammy and pale and my eyes, as I feel, are puffy and red from crying. I look at you and give a teary chuckle to see that you look the same. All puffy and red-eyed.

Then you breath out, "Can I use your phone? I have to tell the others." And your voice is strained as you think about how to break it your best friends that you will be leaving forever and may never see each other again.

I harden my heart and nod. This is going to be a long, emotional night.

-X-

A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed. I have nothing against Kaoru/Kenshin because it's my favorite couple in RK. I don't even like Tomoe but I just tolerate her. And oh, I have no idea why my computer sucks right now but sorry if the format isn't exactly up to par!

Please keep on reading and reviewing and helpful comments will be appreciated much!


	5. walking on tightrope

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 5: Walking On Tightrope

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

**(Kenshin's POV)**

God, I'm so lucky to have you. You have helped me so much and I understand now that what I decided was the right one, even if it means living in a place without you for so long.

My father told me I had one more week left and would not have allowed me to go to school but I told him I wanted to spend it with my friends and you. We leave on Saturday morning and today is Monday, so I only have five days left.

Funny how things can do a 180 so quickly and without warning. A week ago, I would never have thought of leaving my country and friends behind to move to Canada. I had thought that all of us would graduate together, go to college and eventually live in the real world while still remaining connected. Now I won't even graduate with you, with my friends. First semester is over and I have to spend the remaining half of my year in Canada and I will graduate _there._

Of all the rotten things is the fact that I will not be able to see you everyday, hold you in my arms or look into your eyes or kiss you.

And to wipe away your tears when you're sad or make you smile when you're angry at something. I'll be thousands of miles away, wondering what you will be doing at the moment.

We walk in the hallway together, holding hands and keeping silent. We don't look at anybody but I look at you, trying to memorize your beautiful features. Your beautiful gray eyes, soft skin and serious mouth and your long black hair. You let it flow over your shoulders today, knowing I love it that way. My heart squeezes in gratitude and longing.

I will miss you most of all.

I wrench my gaze away from you and hesitantly look around the hall. Apprehension fills me as I search for my friends. When I had called them last night in your house and broke to them the news, they thought I was joking at first. Then realized I was perfectly serious.

Then they hung up on me abruptly without saying anything. Only Kaoru didn't hung up. She assured me that I was doing the right thing and I imagined her crying so softly as she talked to me, the tears spilling down her cheeks and I felt myself tearing up as well.

And now I wonder if any of my friends, save Kaoru, will talk to me or even look at me.

"Kenshin, Aoshi and Misao are coming towards us," you tell me softly, staring straight ahead. You give my hand a reassuring grip and I look ahead of me. I see Aoshi and Misao coming at us indeed and for the first time, Misao is as silent as Aoshi. She is pale and distracted. Obviously, she is thinking of what I had announced last night. But Aoshi looks the same as ever. His face is as shuttered and deadpan as ever, eyes divulging nothing. He is the master of hiding his emotions, that Aoshi. One would never guess that someone as hyper as Misao and someone as unspoken as Aoshi love one another. But there is never any doubt in my mind.

Misao spots me and stops, clutching Aoshi's arm and pauses him as well. You and I both stand still as well. Both of them are only a couple of steps away and I see the accusing and hurt look in Misao's jade eyes. It feels like a slap to the face. Then I glance at Aoshi and am surprised to see the flicker of anger in his ice blue depths. But then I should not be startled. Aoshi and I have been friends as long as Kaoru and I have been friends and though he remains stoic and unflinching most of the time, we have an understanding of our friendship.

"Misao-dono," I hesitantly say, unsure of what she will do. Misao is an outrageously unpredictable person. Very spontaneous. I look at her carefully.

"Himura," she says coldly, giving me a very edgy look. "Yukishiro."

Tomoe gives the slightest nod, acknowledging Misao.

"I…well." I don't know what to say. I am not good with confrontation, actually. Never has, never will.

After a particularly tense moment, Misao finally does something.

"You.Stupid.Bastard!" she yells and lunges at me, tackling me to the ground. Everyone else in the hall stops and stares at Misao and me as she throttles my neck. In my daze, I look at Aoshi over Misao's shoulder and see the sort of smug look on his face. Then my eyes see Tomoe glancing down at me with the same expression.

Great, I deserve being throttled to the ground in school.

"Baka! Baka! Baka!!!" Misao curses furiously and she lets go of my neck to give me a sound punch in the eye. Pain rushes to my face and I look at her, the gaze of my left eye fuzzy and tingling with pain.

Misao looks at my eye, which I figure is quickly turning blue, and suddenly cries. "Kenshin you're such an ass." Then she steps off me and helps me up. I clutch my bruising eye, gaping at her.

"You so deserve that," Misao points at me, sniffling and giving me death glares.

Tomoe pulls my hand away and looks at my face. "It should heal before your flight. Let's go to the nurse's office."

Aoshi places a comforting arm around Misao's shoulders as she tries to contain her tears. He looks at the crowd around us and gives all of them a meaningful and threatening glare. They quickly disperse, muttering at one another and giving us strange looks.

-X-

"Damn Misao, you pack quite a punch," I tell her later in the clinic, pressing an ice pack to my swelling eye. The bell rang a few minutes ago but they are still with me in the clinic.

Misao snorts and crosses her arms, eyes narrow. "As I said, you deserve it."

"Do you still need to unleash your anger at me?" I ask wryly, wincing as a sharp pain lace through my tender eye. Misao gives a toothy grin though her green eyes are still full of betrayal and hurt. "Maybe, Himura, but I'll refrain from doing it. Wouldn't want you arriving in Canada in pieces," she spats out bitterly, looking away.

I sigh.

"Misao, I told you, it's the right decision for my parents, for me and though I am completely unwilling to do it, they are my parents and I had to," I tell her quietly, looking down at my sneakers, avoiding her and Aoshi's eyes.

You are sitting beside me, saying nothing but I feel her tense.

I hear Misao give a resigning exhale. "I know all that Himura, that's the only thing that is keeping me from pummeling you to the ground right now. But it doesn't mean I have to like it."

I look at her and offer a weary smile. She takes it and returns an equally weary smile.

Aoshi sniffs and I take it that he feels the same way as Misao.

Suddenly, the door bursts open and Megumi rushes inside, engulfs me in a smothering bear hug and cries, "Oh my poor Ken-san! What did that silly girl do to your lovely face?"

She knocks off my hand and sent the ice pack flying away, leaving my bruised eye in the open. She sees the bruise and whimpers. "Oh my darling! Your eye!!!" She turns to Misao and glares at the unrepentant girl. "Look at what you've done!"

Misao juts her chin in the air and defiantly says, "Ha! He deserves that after what he told us last night!"

I look sideways at you and notice the close look on your face as if you're not really watching what is happening. Luckily, Megumi pulls away and starts an argument with Misao so I am able to take your hand in mine.

"Tomoe, you okay?" I softly ask you.

You gaze at me with sad eyes and I understand. I'm feeling the same way as well, though the racket made by Megumi and Misao distracts me.

"Even if Kenshin deserves it he still doesn't deserve it!" Megumi argues without sensei, haughtily flipping her long hair over her shoulder.

Misao stares at her with an unbelievable look. "Hello! That so totally did not make any sense! Besides, he knows he deserves it!"

"Whatever."

Misao sticks her tongue at her and turns around, furiously stomping over to where Aoshi is standing calmly.

Megumi turns to me and her face flickers with emotion. "Ken-san, you really are leaving, aren't you? When do you go?"

My head – and eye – starts to pound and I let go of your hand to face the inquires and accusations of my friends. "Five days from now, Megumi-dono. On Saturday morning."

An ominous silence descends in the clinic and I feel a strange mixture of trepidation and déjà vu.

Suddenly, again, Kaoru arrives through the door followed by Sano and Soujirou. Her face is full of worry and curiosity and well, Sano and Soujirou looks the same as Misao moments ago when she was still fuming and throttling me.

Kaoru sits on the other side of me, eyes glancing quickly at Tomoe and darkening. "Oh Kenshin, what happened? I heard that Misao kicked your butt pretty good from the rumor mill." She looks at my black eye and winces and I deduce that it must look terrible.

"I'm okay, Kaoru-dono and no, Misao did not kick my butt. She merely gave me a bruise is all," I say patiently, glancing at the melting ice pack beside the long wooden sofa we are sitting on. Kaoru follows my gaze and immediately picks up the ice pack and hands it to me. I gratefully accept it and press it to my eye once more.

There is another, déjà vu-like hush.

"Um, hey Tomoe-san," Kaoru greets belatedly, offering a shy smile.

Everyone else exchanges looks, knowing full well the conflict between the two. More so than I.

You give Kaoru a small smile in return. "Kaoru."

The others let out a collective sigh of relief. Kaoru reddens in humiliation and looks away, coughing into her hand.

Then Sano speaks up, his voice hard. Really déjà vu.

"So Kenshin, when are you leaving?"

Yes, definitely déjà vu. The kind I don't like.

I predict that this week will be the most strenuous and taut week of my entire life.

-X-

Um, lame end to this chapter, I know but I'm running late!!! So sorry! And thanks so much for the reviews. They make me blush. And this is the first time I've made people cry with my stories so I'm really glad I can write tear-jerking drama fics. And please, please, can you tell me Akira's last name? Please? And how he looks if he has brown hair or blonde and the color of his eyes? Please! I've forgotten and grrr, it's at the back of my brain but I can't pull it to the front!!!

And now please click that lovely button down there to tell me what you think!!!


	6. tragedy, tragedy

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 6: Tragedy, Tragedy

Standard disclaimers apply.

Note: Very long chapter since I included a flashback on how Kenshin got his scar.

-X-

**(Kaoru's POV)**

When I woke up this morning the strongest feeling of foreboding crashed over me, stealing away my breath and I had to lean against my bedpost for a moment. I'm not psychic or a clairvoyant but I definitely think that whatever I felt this morning was a sign, a terrible sign that something awful is going to happen.

At first I associated this with Kenshin's leaving but I realized that if this was a sort of intuitive forewarning then I should have felt this weeks before Kenshin told me that he was leaving – my heart breaks everytime I think about it. No, something is going to happen, I thought this morning. Something incredibly appalling is going to take place.

But I didn't have time to dwell on such feelings since I remembered that today was the last day Kenshin was spending with us. With me. Tomorrow, on a Saturday morning, Kenshin is going to go away to Canada for a very long time and you might never see him ever again.

When I took my bath, I was weeping underneath the shower, letting the warm water drip all over my face.

For the past week, everything seemed to go by in a daze or maybe it was only I who was in a trance. Actually, I don't think so. All of my close friends who also were Kenshin's close friends – and Tomoe – seemed quite distracted and no wonder. We had helped Kenshin and his parents pack all of their things and it was pure agony reliving each moment all of us had together, happy or sad, as we went through all of his things and mementos.

It took a very long time and an abundance of tears before everything was packed and ready.

All of us had forgiven Kenshin for leaving though the accusation was purely selfish on all of our parts. We didn't want him to leave. We wanted him to be always with us.

But, as I thought about it every morning of my life, Kenshin will never be with me. Never. He loved Tomoe and there's nothing I can change about that. But then again, I'll always be his even if he won't be mine in ways of friendship. And I am perfectly sure that as long as I live, I will always be in love with him.

Even if he is miles and miles away from me.

I snap out of my reverie and realize that I had been staring into space standing by the snack table. The others, including Yahiko who was the youngest member of our group, are sitting on the sofas, chairs and beanbags that are all around the giant television in my living room. We aren't exactly what you'd call rich but my family is blessed with money since both my parents are doctors.

We are having Kenshin's private farewell party in my home since my parent's are out for the night, watching movies and eating popcorn, fries and drinking sodas. But it isn't like any other party I have been to since everyone is quite and the only noise in the house was the sounds made by the characters from the movie.

But what do I expect? It's not like we can laugh and joke about one of our best friends leaving for a far, far away place.

I pop open the can of soda and take a deep gulp. Then I walk back to the sofas, taking my seat beside Kenshin. On his other side his you and I notice, again, that you are holding hands. I dull ache starts in the vicinity of my chest but I push it away, used to it already. The jealousy still eats at me alive but everyday I'm coping, though it doesn't necessarily mean that the pain lessens.

I look away and stare at the screen. We are watching a very painful but nonetheless beautiful love story, 'A Walk To Remember' with subtitles since it is an English movie. But it wasn't very hard to understand since all of us have English classes in school and we are fairly good at it. I've read the book and I liked it as well. The story is a high school-y one, where the boy, Landon Carter, is popular and the girl, Jamie Sullivan, is the resident devout geek. But there is a twist.

I didn't exactly want to watch the movie since it is a love story and as everyone knows, I don't exactly get a happy ending in my life. Well, not exactly the happy ending I want very much but I am determined to live my life as happy as I can.

"This movie is gross," Sano complains loudly, watching as Mandy Moore serenades Shane West in the play. "Who wants to watch this touchy feely movie anyway?"

Misao, whose favorite movie happens to be 'A Walk To Remember,' looks at Sano and glares at him. "Shut up Rooster-boy, I love this movie. And besides, Shane West looks hot! And if you just keep your mouth closed and pay attention then probably you'd like it!"

Sano makes a face at her and adorably pouts. He is seated on one of my beanbags beside me, munching on one of the bowls of popcorn. I reach over and take the bowl of popcorn away and he stiffens.

"Hey, you okay Sano?" I ask, giving him a weird look. I'm sure that it isn't because I took away the popcorn since he seems really tense.

He nods stiffly, never taking his eyes off the flickering screen. I give him another glance then sit back against the sofa, relaxing my tense muscles. In my peripheral vision, I see Kenshin's illuminated profile. His red hair glows like a fiery halo and his deep amethyst eyes catch the light from the TV and seemingly glows with an inner light. I pause on the scar on his cheek, recalling quickly how it had happened.

_-X- Flashback -X-_

_I was going home with Kenshin and we were younger that time, probably two years younger than now. He was walking me home, like he does every day and we were chatting about everything and nothing in particular. As we crossed the street, both of us noticed that there were two big guys bullying a slim girl. They were pushing her around and cruelly tugging at her skirt. Pretty immature, if you ask me._

_Since both of us hated seeing people bullied, me especially, we rushed to aid the girl. Kenshin was a very gifted martial artist and leader of the Kendo club in school though he was still a sophomore. _

_"Hey you big ugly bullies! Stop harassing her!" I yelled at the two, bringing up my two fists defensively. I glared at the two bulky guys as they stopped and looked at Kenshin and me. Then burst out laughing. My eyes narrowed and I snarled. I knew what they saw, two skinny, petite teenagers with fierce and righteous expressions that shouldn't pose as any threat.  
  
_

_I snuck a glance at the bullied girl and saw that she was picking up her fallen books and that she had dark hair and gray eyes and her face wasn't exactly friendly and open. _

_"Aw look at the cute little couple trying to save the little girl," the brown-haired guy said in a babyish voice, mocking us. _

_His companion, a redhead, didn't say anything but laughed scornfully._

_My petite height didn't bother me too much but I knew that Kenshin was easily insulted by jokes about his stature since he was a guy and most of the guys we know are quite tall. Ha, the poor bastards, they'll regret mocking Kenshin and me and for harassing the girl too._

_"Kaoru-dono, you could just stay back," Kenshin told me quietly, amethyst eyes quickly glancing my way. I made a face at him and said, "Yeah right and let you have all the fun? No way! I may not be a martial art genius but I am strong for a girl and I don't mind using my fist once in a while." He grinned, anticipating my answer._

_So, we took on the two bullies. He the brown-haired one and the redhead was mine. Though I liked fancy maneuvers and techniques since I wasn't exactly part of the Kendo club – but Kenshin taught me once in a while – I more than made up for it in my speed as a petite and lightweight girl and my knuckles. I pack quite a punch, actually._

_The redhead was down after a few minutes of dodging when I finally boxed him in between the eyes, hard enough that he was thoroughly dazed and useless lying on the ground. _

_Seeing that the redhead nuisance wasn't getting up anymore, I went to the dark-haired girl and asked her if she was all right. _

_She nodded quietly and glanced at Kenshin. I felt a bit miffed. She didn't even thank me and there she goes glancing at Kenshin. _

_With an inward sigh – and an initiated growl – I looked back at Kenshin and saw that he was sort of playing with the brown-haired bully. He was letting him come near him with punches and kicks and then at the last second ducked down and moved away. My eyebrows drew together; Kenshin seemed to be enjoying this. _

_"He's amazing," the girl breathed in a muted, awe-filled voice. I quickly glanced at her and saw the enthralled expression on her face. Then I realized that she was quite beautiful with classical features._

_"My names Kamiya Kaoru and yours?" I asked her out of curiosity and in a pathetic attempt to distract her from my Kenshin. _

_She didn't answer right away. Then she might have remembered me since she answered, never breaking her gaze from Kenshin who was still going at it, "Yukishiro Tomoe." _

Fine, ignore me and stare at my Kenshin_. "Hey Kenshin! What are you doing?" I called at him, sounding a bit worried. He seemed to be really enjoying this._

_He gave me a hasty glance and swiped the bully off his feet with a roundhouse kick. The bully fell to the ground with a loud thud and even I winced at the impact. _

_"Oooh." _

_Kenshin wiped his hands and looked down at the gasping bully with something very akin to smug satisfaction. Kenshin started to frighten me a little. He really looked like he enjoyed it. _

_Kenshin started to walk to us and I noticed that his eyes were riveted on Tomoe and vice versa. I started to seethe in anger at the sudden attraction of the two and I just wanted to kick Kenshin's baka butt. _

_"Are you all right miss?" Kenshin asked politely though his eyes were anything but polite as they roamed all over Tomoe. _

_Tomoe didn't even batter an eyelash; she remained very composed in front of him and his undeniable good looks and red hair. But I observed that she suddenly looked more excited and the faintest hint of blush graced her pretty cheeks. "Yes, thank you for rescuing me. My name is Yukishiro Tomoe." _

_Inwardly I growled. What was I here? Chopped liver? Didn't I also helped in saving her? Then why didn't she thank both of us instead of just Kenshin? _

_Damn, I knew this feeling. _

_I've been feeling this way ever since I realized how I truly felt. Jealous. And I was truly jealous this time because Kenshin looked like he liked Tomoe. A lot. _

_As they talked, totally ignoring me and I was growing bored out of my mind, I noticed that the brown-haired bully was standing up and clutching something shiny in his hand. I squinted and saw a shiny piece of jagged glass in his hand and he lunged at Kenshin with rage on his face. _

_What a stupid guy. Attacking someone in broad daylight in the middle of the street with so many people. _

_"Kenshin!" I cried out, pointing helplessly at the attacker, "Watch out!!!" _

_Kenshin was too fascinated by Tomoe to react quickly. He ducked too late and the sharp edge of the glass in the bully's hand grazed his left cheek and blood spurted out. _

_I held back a chocked scream as Kenshin quickly drove a powerful punch in the bully's face that sent him flying away, unconscious. People stopped and stared at us, at Kenshin's bleeding cheek. _

_I immediately went to him, appalled at the blood and the deep wound. "Oh Kenshin! You cheeks! It's bleeding so much!" _

_He placed a hand on his cheek and grimaced and I held him in place lest he passed out. I was worried out of my mind. _

_"Someone please call an ambulance!" I told the bystanders around me, eyes pleading them. I was that worried. _

_I saw one of the women standing around grab out her portable phone and immediately called for an ambulance. I flashed the woman a very grateful smile. _

_"Kaoru-dono, really, this is nothing," he said to me in a calm voice though the wound continued to bled horribly. The red streaks streamed down his cheek and from the gaps in his fingers that covered the wound. "Just a scratch," he added weakly, trying to joke about it. _

_"Just nothing my behind!" I worriedly snapped at him, his body leaning against mine though I doubt he noticed this. I knew that it would take more than a wound in the face to defeat Kenshin but I was still quite worried about the amount of blood he was losing. _

_Tomoe was supporting the other side of Kenshin without saying anything. In the distance, we heard the low wailing of the ambulance sirens and I sighed in relief. _

_But all of a sudden, someone grabbed Tomoe and held her captive amidst the gathering crowd. Really stupid!!! _

_It was the redheaded guy I knocked down earlier and he seemed even more furious than his friend had been. Maybe on account that a mere slip of a girl had beaten him in a snap of the fingers. _

_He also held a broken piece of glass in his hand. _

_"You assholes!" the redhead cursed loudly and pushed Tomoe away, lunging towards us. _

_The spectators remained the same, just spectators. They didn't even try to help us! _

_Kenshin automatically pushed me away and I fell down and I saw that Tomoe and gained her balance and deftly caught the sharp blade in her own hands, surprising the redhead. But he seemed to have increased his reflexes as he swept Tomoe off her feat, causing her to lose her balance now fully and she flailed her arms around. Kenshin, despite the danger of getting slashed again, caught Tomoe in his arms and her hand, the one gripping the jagged piece of broken glass, slashed the same side of cheek, I guess over the still very fresh wound._

_This was an accident, of course, but I knew that it must be very painful to be slashed twice on the same cheeks only minutes apart. _

_Oh god, Kenshin! _

_I quickly knocked the redhead again, completely unconscious this time, and scrambled to where Kenshin had knelt down with Tomoe in his arms. She had let go of the bloody glass and staring at him in blatant horror. _

_"I…I'm so sorry Kenshin!" she sputtered, for the first time losing her composure. _

_Kenshin's eyes were dazed and twice the amount of blood was now gushing from his double wound. _

_Right after, the ambulance and a police car arrived and the police quickly apprehended the passed out delinquents while the paramedics immediately fussed around Kenshin. _

_Everyone still stood around, murmuring and shaking their head in disappointment at the two unconscious bullies. I glared at them, silently accusing them that they didn't do anything either. _

_Tomoe looked clearly shocked. We were both walking with the stroller Kenshin was in as the paramedics started treating his double wound._

_"Hey, Tomoe-san, are you all right?" I asked her softly, watching her from the corner of my eyes. My hand was gripping Kenshin's bloody one but I didn't mind. I was still so, so worried. _

_"I hurt him," was all she whispered. _

_I sighed wearily. "Wasn't your fault. It was an accident. Don't worry about it." _

_We weren't allowed to go with him inside the ambulance so we watched helplessly as it drove away, bringing Kenshin along with him to the nearest hospital. Slowly, the crowd dispersed. _

_-X- End of flashback -X-_

And that was how Kenshin got his scar, looking like a big X-mark on his face since both the wounds were on top of one another and leaning away from one another.

One from a moronic bully and the other unwittingly by you.

Kenshin notices my gaze since I had looked directly at me when I was remembering and looks straight at me. "Anything wrong, Kaoru-dono?"

I shake my head and smile. "No. Just thinking about some stuff."

I look back at the screen, still occupied and gradually the movie starts making sense once more. Shane West was making Mandy Moore her telescope as a special gift as her cancer gets worst. Such a sweet and desperate attempt, really. One of my favorite part of the movie.

Finally, things started to loosen and though the movie was still going on, we are talking and joking and reminiscing. Even Misao joins us, also Aoshi.

We talk about the good ol' days and nothing about what was going to happen tomorrow and the sad times. Just the happy ones, please.

I didn't notice the phone ringing in the middle of Sano's story, a funny joke about what Kenshin and him had gone through when they were kids. The fifth ring finally registers in my brain and I stand up.

"I'll get it!"

I walk over to the phone, which is on top of an antique table by the stairway that leads to the bedrooms upstairs. I pick it up, still holding the bowl of popcorn in my other hand.

"Mushi-mushi, Kamiya Kaoru speaking," I tell the person on the other line cheerfully.

There is a cackle of static before a deep and official-sounding voice speaks from the other line. "Kamiya Kaoru, this is police officer Hajime Saito and I have terrible news for you." His voice was blunt though a bit gentle.

My heart starts beating and the sudden feeling of intense alarm I felt this morning washes over me thickly, drowning me. My hands feel sweaty and I feel deep in my gut that something really, really dreadful has happened.

I feel as if I am in the end of a long tunnel with my friends at the other end and their noise was coming at me in faraway, murky tones.

I grip the receiver tighter against my ear and I feel dread tingling up and down my spine, assuring me of the worst.

Oh god, what is it?

"W-What kind of accident?" I whisper thickly, already feeling agitated though the officer has yet to tell me what's wrong.

There is an ominous pause. "There's been an accident, Kamiya-san. A car accident. Your parents were in a car crash and I am terribly sorry to tell you that they didn't survive the crash. I am terribly sorry for your loss."

I freeze. I am shocked to my very core and I could not accept it. Denial was quickly rising in me, repeating inside my head. I pull the receiver away and stare at it. Then I stare at the wall in front of me, completely in shock.

Pain, incredibly pain and loss and sadness surge within me, smothering me and I feel my eyes tear up and feel the moisture slip down my face in torrents. I feel the receiver and bowl of popcorn slither from my grip. Luckily, the receiver was attached to the phone with its cord but the bowl fell to the ground, shattering into pieces of broken glass and spilt popcorn. Some sharp shards ricocheted from the tile floor and grazed my bare legs since I am only wearing a short skirt. I am only dimly aware that my friends are gathering around me, asking what is wrong and gasping as blood appeared on my scratched legs and tears falling from my eyes.

All I could think of was my parents. That they are dead. Not alive but dead. They are gone. But no, that can't be. They are still alive! And coming home to me. They are no gone, no, they can't be!

Everything was starting to spin out of focus and my vision seems to have block spots in it. The excruciating pain, not from the wounds on my legs, shot within me and I cry out wildly.

Everyone's voices seem so far away.

"Kaoru-dono…Kaoru-dono!"

"Kaoru-chan, what's the matter?"

"Hey tanuki! Kaoru!"

"Jou-chan! Jou-chan!"

"Kaoru-san! Say something!"

"Oi busu, you're bleedin'!"

"Kaoru-dono…!"

Then everything went black and all I can think about are my parents…and they are dead…really dead…and I am alone…so, so alone and…

...my parent's won't be there for me ever again...

-X-

Did anyone see that coming? I'm so cruel to Kaoru-chan though she's my favorite character. As I said, this is angsty and drama-ish all the way!!!


	7. say hello, say goodbye

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 7: Say Hello, Say Goodbye

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

"Oh God, this is terrible," Misao mutters softly, resting her forehead on Aoshi's shoulder. His arms wrap around her and his hand strokes her shoulders comfortingly. I place my face into my palms, elbows perching on my knees.

The rest of us don't reply but we are thinking the same thing. Yes, it is terrible. Horribly terrible.

The hospital waiting room is agony as we wait for the doctor to come out. But fortunately, we are the only ones there. Though we know already the bad news, there is still a slim thread of hope in us that they made a mistake, that Kaoru's parents aren't dead.

Dead…

This is the first time that such a tragedy includes our small circle of close friends. And to parents as wonderful as Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya.

I look up and glance at Kaoru and my heart wrenches in remorse and sympathy. Her legs are covered in bandages to stop her wound from bleeding but that is the least of our problems. When she had lost consciousness back in her house, legs bleeding from the dozens of scratches she received, we couldn't understand what had rattled this headstrong and obstinate girl so much. Then I had noticed the dangling receiver and picked it up. Someone was still on the other line and calling frantically Kaoru's name. Then the police officer had told me the awful news that Kaoru's parents died in a car accident.

Everyone else couldn't believe it. Then we rushed the unconscious Kaoru to the hospital to get her wounds treated and to where the bodies of her parents were held.

Besides, she needed to be in a place where they can calm her down when the news finally, completely sinks in and she becomes hysterical and uncontrollable.

I see in her puffy, half-lidded haunted eyes that she is still in great shock and who wouldn't be? If I learn that my parents are dead I would…

Stop that, I think to myself. Kaoru needs your help. You know what you have to do.

I stand up and give Tomoe a meaningful glance and cock my head towards Kaoru's direction and she nods in understanding. I kneel in front of Kaoru and will her to look my way.

She is so pale and her fingers are quivering on her lap. Unspeakable misery swims in her deep eyes and her gaze is faraway and eerie.

"Kaoru-dono, say something," I whisper pleadingly, unable to stand seeing her so torn.

Kaoru surprises all of us, me mostly, by speaking for the first time and in a calm, brittle voice. "My parents are dead, aren't they?" Though her voice remains so still her eyes are begging for some reassurance that they aren't dead, that any moment now they will come out okay and unscathed and bring her home. Her eyes are full of the lost little girl now. Beside her, Sano looks away, bangs covering half of his face. Yes, I feel the same way exactly Sano.

As gently as I could, I told her, "Yes, Kaoru-dono. They…they are dead."

Kaoru stares at me for a full second before the tears start again, falling and falling in silver sparkles down her cheeks. Her face is contorted in indescribable despair as she finally accepts the terrible truth and she grips thick strands of her raven hair and leans forward, sobbing and her shoulders shaking with cries.

The back of my eyes burn and I bring Kaoru into my arms, whispering to her soothingly about nonsense comfort. The waiting room is deathly quiet and I look at Sano, his hand over his eyes. Then I see Megumi without a cruel or sarcastic expression on her face as she blinks her eyes rapidly. Misao is openly crying on Aoshi and a look of near-sadness crosses his face. Tomoe is just sitting there though it is clear on her face that she is just as affected. Yahiko and Soujirou are sitting together near the wall, faces drawn and deeply depressed.

And as for my darling Kaoru, she was weeping so hard and soft, painful whimpers sounded in her throat. She is muttering incoherently against my shoulder and her tears soak my shirt though I don't mind.

There is an uncomfortable cough behind us and I turn my head sideways and see a tall doctor glancing about us in sympathy. He looks vaguely familiar but I cannot place where I have seen him before.

Kaoru sniffles and pushes me away, standing shakily on her feet. She looks at the doctor with her tearful eyes and her face dawns with recognition.

"Dr. Sanada," she mutters as she wipes the tears away with the back of her hand. "My…parents…"

Dr. Sanada, now I remember, is Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya's favored colleague and usually goes to their house for dinner. He is a great and trustworthy friend, as I recall. His face is drawn and pallid and he shakes his head in the negative. He is affected too since he just lost two of his special friends.

"I'm so sorry Kaoru-chan, but they are gone," he says in a hoarse, unprofessional voice.

Kaoru takes deep breath as her face crumples into tears again.

-X-

My parents were shocked and saddened when I told them of the death of Kaoru's parents. They had been great friends as well since Kaoru and I are best friends and all. It was already past midnight when we finally left the hospital and Kaoru is with Misao right now since it is foolish to let her go home to her big house alone.

When I came home, I had begged my parents to change the date of our flight to Sunday, the day after tomorrow so that I can still be with Kaoru and offer whatever comfort I could. My parents understood and it didn't take much effort to make them agree. Luckily, our tickets were changeable and dad immediately changed the date of our flight on Sunday afternoon instead of tomorrow morning.

I was so grateful and relieved in my own selfish way that it wasn't my parents who had died that I hugged them for a really long time.

Then I went to bed but I cannot sleep, thinking of Kaoru, how alone she will be and who will take her in. As far as I know, she does not have any other relatives left. I fear that she will have to live alone but I hope that the government will allow her to live with Misao or with any of our friends.

Except for me since I am moving away. And I won't even be there for her during her parent's funeral. What kind of best friend am I?

Then fatigue arrives and I can barely keep my eyes open. My last thought is that if any one can pull through such a misfortune, it will be Kaoru.

-X-

Kaoru's house is dark and silent in every room, the curtains are closed and no sound reverberated throughout. By then, everyone had heard of the very unfortunate demise of Kaoru's parents, two very wonderful parents, friends and doctors. My friends were glad that I still had a day in Japan but everyone thought that it was such at a high cost.

I hesitate outside Kaoru's bedroom, worried at what I might find. According to Misao, she had already gone home early this morning, quite determined to stay in her house for the entire day, probably alone.

There are no sounds coming from Kaoru's bedroom and the air seeping from underneath the bedroom door is cool.

I lift my hand and knock on the wooden door softly. For a long moment, Kaoru doesn't answer so I take matters in my own hands and grasp the doorknob and push the door open. Her bedroom is even darker than the entire house, and I squint my eyes, trying to find Kaoru inside the shadowy room. There are vague, dark shapes that must be the room's furniture's.

I slip inside, carefully and softly closing the door behind me. Ah, there, a lumpy shadow on top of a very big, short shadow that is the bed.

"Kaoru-dono?"

My voice echoes in the closed, cold room.

I hear her sigh softly. "Do you know my last words to them were 'see you later'?" A low, dry laugh follows. "But I won't get to see them later. Not now, not ever. Wanna know why? Because my parent's are dead."

I flinch at the emotionless tone of Kaoru's voice. I slowly cross the dark room, making sure not to stumble on any wayward item lying on the floor. I walk over to her curtained window and pull apart the curtains, letting clear sunlight filter into the room and brightening it warmly.

"Kaoru-dono, I think you've been in the dark to long." I turn around to face her and the sight of her room startles me instead. It was orderly and clean, most of her things in their right places. Only a few books are positioned on the carpeted floor. Usually, to my knowledge, a person who loses their loved ones goes in a rage and thrashes everything in their rooms. But nothing seems to be thrashed or broken. And Kaoru is sitting near the edge of her bed with her family album perched on her lap.

Her eyes are heavy and rimmed with shadows, her skin unnaturally pale. Her hair is in disarray, the raven strands coiling in big and small knots. She is wearing the same clothes as yesterday and they are greatly creased. Kaoru looks so defeated and weary, hopeless in a way that I have never seen her.

She looks up at me and gives a mirthless smile, fingers tracing across the pictures in the album. "Weird, if you didn't have to move and I had gone with my parents since your farewell party wouldn't be happening then I would have died with them."

My blood runs cold and I feel a protective fury seizing me. I walk over to her and grasp her shoulders, glaring into her blank eyes. "Don't ever say that, Kaoru-dono! Nobody, not even your parents, would want you to die. And if my leaving results in you staying alive, then thank God for small blessings!"

Her lips tremble and angry color blushes her cheeks. "But how can I enjoy my life when my parent's are dead? How can I continue knowing that my parents didn't have a full life, that they're missing on so much, that they were cheated out of their lives?"

My fingers grip her shoulders tighter, near bruising, but Kaoru doesn't recoils. Instead, she meets my glare head on and her eyes are suddenly misty.

I soften my voice, seeing the sudden lost and broken look in her eyes and the desperate sadness lingering there. "Kaoru-dono, your parents did have full lives. They had you, didn't they? You were their reason for getting up and working, for smiling and laughing and for loving one another. You completed them and I am perfectly sure that wherever they are now, they would want you to continue, to live your own full life and leave the past as it is. The past. They'd want you to have a future and be happy."

She closes her eyes tightly, biting her lower lip and lowering her head. Her features twist into an agonized expression.

"B-But…it's just so hard to m-move on…knowing t-they won't be there to c-cheer me on and help me w-when I fall down…" she whispers in an aching voice, tears slipping from her tightly clenched eyes. Her hands close into fists, choosing a random picture of her family and tearing it into pieces.

I gently release her shoulders and hold her fists, stopping them from destroying the photo. "But you're not alone. Your parents might be gone, yes, but you'll always have friends who will be there to cheer you on and help you when you fall down." _But tomorrow I'll be gone…_

I quickly cast the thought out of my head.

Kaoru pauses and looks up at me, eyes opening. "But you'll be gone soon." Her voice is flat as she says this but I'm sure she doesn't mean to be so accusing. Kaoru is going through one of the toughest moments in her life, her parent's death and her best friend's leaving.

"Yeah well," I straighten and then sit down on the edge of her bed. "We'll always be friends, won't we? It doesn't mean that when I leave we can't be friends anymore. Didn't we make a pact to be best friends always?"

She angles her head to look directly at me and I'm glad to see that her tears are gone and her eyes aren't so bitter anymore. "Always. And I guess you are right. I need to move on. My parents would want that more than anything else." She gives me a hesitant smile, but a true smile nonetheless.

A comfortable silence wraps around us and I gaze outside the window, see the quiet houses on the other side of the road and a few cars pass by.

"Do you want a hug?"

Kaoru nods slightly. "Okay, I need one."

And I take Kaoru into my arms and hug her tightly, feeling her shuddering against me, head resting on my shoulder. But she doesn't cry. I think the tears will come tomorrow. For now, there is just us.

-X-

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, you guys. I love to hear that my fanfic can bring sad tears to the eyes. Last chapter will be forthcoming so just wait!!!

Just click that pretty button down there and tell me how much you love – or hate – my story! And oh, the ending won't be something you'll expect, I guess. A bit farfetched or kismet, I don't know. It's up to your interpretation. And as I said, the ending won't exactly be happy or sad.


	8. defying god part 1

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 8: Defying God

Standard disclaimers apply.

Warning: Really, really long chapter. Probably the longest of the story!

-X-

**(Tomoe's POV)**

These past two weeks have been filled with so many twists and heartache and tears and now you are finally leaving. Yes, you did have yesterday still, but you spent the entire day with her. But I am not envious or angry since it is perfectly understandable. You are Kaoru's best friend and you were there when she needed you the most.

But you know what? Last night, I was lying on my bed, unable to sleep. I still believed, no matter how foolishly, that this is all a bad dream, a nightmare that I will soon wake up, from your sudden migration to the untimely death of Kaoru's parents.

And yet here we are now, in the airport, waiting in grave silence and for you and your family to board the plane and leave for Canada.

Sano had pulled Kaoru aside; his face so serious and I know what he is going to tell her. They are talking softly in one side and the others don't disturb them. Misao is sitting, obviously, with her Aoshi on the benches around, hands clasped and her eyes faraway. Then Megumi and Soujirou and Yahiko are sitting on a different bench chatting probably about old times. Your parents are depositing your carry-on bags and out of our view.

And us?

What about us?

You are leaning against one wall, arms crossed against your chest and I'm inclining against you, trying to remember this moment forever. But I will never forget this day, ever.

We're no longer together, just friends. You can't handle a long distance relationship and neither can I. We discussed this many nights ago and came to this decision together. And though we are no longer lovers, we still do love each other.

But I have to know for sure.

I need to hear you say it again.

Or I might go mad.

"Kenshin," I call your name softly, lovingly. Today is the only day I can show as much emotion as I can. The last time in a really long time we'll see each other.

You look at me, blinking out of your daze. Your amethyst eyes meet mine and they are equally uncertain and sad and exhausted. I will never see a more beautiful pair of eyes as long as I live.

"Yeah? What is it, Tomoe?"

I take my time in replying. I look down at the floor tiles, then at my sneakers than finally, at you. Your mouth is in a reassuring small smile and you lift a hand and gently take my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know you're still bothered though I don't exactly know what's bothering you. So tell me and maybe I can help," you say to me in that gentle and coaxing tone only you can voice out.

Before this, I was sure that I was a brave person who doesn't easily get fazed. But then I fell in love with you and everything turned upside down. My life turned from empty and incomplete to colorful and happy. You're the only person who can make me smile and laugh. You're the first person I kissed and who put the pieces of my broken heart together.

And now, those pieces are littered around once more. Insecurity fills me and as much as I tell myself how ridiculous I am acting, the doubt and fear still stays within me.

I guess, when it comes to love and you, I'm a coward. I think when it comes to loving someone, all of us are cowards, afraid to take risks, to fall down and break. All we want is security and happiness and a smooth, even road to travel on. No one desires for pain and misery and fear but they will always be part of life and especially when you love someone. And when you get hurt once, you never want to experience it again so you refuse to fall in love, fearing that he or she might be the wrong guy and break your heart all over again.

But wait, what is this? Since when have I ever been an expert in love and life?

"Tomoe?"

I didn't realize that I had fallen deep into my thoughts and I blink, coming out of my own stupor.

You lean close, so close, our noses near touching. And your eyes are so beautiful, the deep amethyst color, the golden flecks that no one notices until they look too close and I drown in them. I don't care if this is a public place, for me, only the two of us exist at the moment.

"There's something I need to ask you, Kenshin. It might sound silly but I can't…let it go." I clear my throat, feeling an alien nervousness invade my system. I've never experienced nervousness before, as long as insecurity. But you have a hold on me no other person can ever hope to match.

You nod and say, "You can ask me anything, Tomoe. I have nothing to hide from you."

"I actually have two questions to ask and they're perfectly impractical," I murmur and tuck a stray hair that floats in front of my face, "but anyway, here's my first question. I've never really asked but when did you realize you love me? Stupid, I know." I sigh, looking away.

But you chuckle and touch my cheek gently. "Not stupid at all. I guess this is the perfect time as any other to reminisce, eh? We still have a long time before the plane arrives." A light smile touches your face as you think back. "Well, let's see…"

"It was the day I got my scar, remember?" I nod, guilt flashing in me for a second as I gaze at the X-shaped scar. "How could I forget? I gave you one of those scars," I say to you. Then I straighten with a start. "What? You fell in love with me when I gave you that scar?"

You just grin and continue as if my guilt is nothing, "Actually, not right away, though I did think you were very stunning. It was the afternoon of that day, in the hospital. Racked with guilt, you went to the hospital where I was getting treated for my wounds. You looked so adorable, losing your composure and sounding so remorseful. Kaoru-dono wasn't there at that time since she was getting something to drink. And then you came inside the room and started to apologize in a deadpan way that seemed anything but. It was just the cutest thing I ever saw. Then you apologized and confessed that nobody had ever stuck up for you before and you looked so lonely and I felt a sudden protectiveness towards you." You glance at me with one of those smiles.

And I smile back. I remember that day quite clearly as well.

"How about you? When did you realize you loved me Tomoe?"

That is an easy question. I don't have to think for so long and very hard to find the answer to that inquiry.

"It was during the time I first realized we were in the same school. Two days had passed and your cheek was still bandaged. Then I had to run into you and knock you over. I helped you up and apologized profusely and was embarrassed to have made a fool of myself in front of you and your friends. Then you just chuckled and said the cheesiest pick-up line ever." I smirk at the memory, shaking my head in amusement.

Your eyebrows draw together in confusion. Obviously you don't recall the pick-up line. "I don't recall saying any pick-up line." You reach behind your ear and scratch in a mystified manner.

"Yes, you did. What you said was, 'I hope you're a doctor since I lost the feeling in my legs when I saw you.'"

You burst out laughing, startling the others by it. You shake your head as you finally remember. "Okay, so that was the cheesiest pick-up line ever. But it was true. I did lose the feeling in my legs when I saw you since you did knock me over."

"I didn't understand when you said it to me at that time and I'm not sure I fully comprehend now too."

You snigger quietly. "Well, as long as it got us together. So, what's your next question?"

I suddenly fall hushed and give a sigh. The playful atmosphere disperses and a concerned look appears on your boyish features. "Tomoe, something's wrong, I just know it. Does it involve my parting? Duh, of course it does. Please ask your question so you won't feel so bad anymore."

I take a deep breath and think that I'm being melodramatic but what the hell and blurt out the thing that's been disturbing me for days now.

"Kenshin, are you still in love with me?"

An astounded look surfaces on your face and then softens instantly. You fingers tug at mine comfortingly. "So that's what's bothering you. Why do you think I don't love you anymore?"

I hesitate in replying. How do I put this in words so it won't sound too ludicrous. I guess I can't. "It's just, I don't know. It's really stupid but I just feel that because of your hasty departure and…and the accident that made you realize it's Kaoru you want, you truly love. I mean, you've known her much longer than me." I avoid your searching eyes, biting my lower lip uncertainly.

You gently disentangle your fingers from mine and touch my shoulders and turn me around to face you. You stare at me until I finally react to the pull of your eyes and meet your gaze. "As much as I love Kaoru-dono, to me she is only my best friend. I don't like being cruel to her at all but it's you that I fell in love with, Tomoe. And I feel that I've known you forever, as long as I've known Kaoru-dono. You don't have to doubt that because I know what I feel. And I only hope you do as well."

I hear the sincerity behind your words and my eyes tear up. I give you a watery smile and lean against you, resting my forehead against your shoulder. From the way you relax and wrap your arms around my waist and mine around yours, this is answer enough about how I feel.

From the top of your shoulder, I see the flabbergasted look on Kaoru's face and I guess that Sano has told her how he truly feels. Sano knows what Kaoru's answer will be and how she feels towards him but by merely confessing, Sano has more guts than most people. And I hope that someday, he'll find the happiness he deserves. He's a good guy and Kenshin's best friend. And the same goes for Kaoru as well.

-X-

You're gone. Finally, you've left me alone.

I stare outside the glass wall, one palm pressing against the glass. I watch as the plane steadily makes its ascent, disappearing into the sunset, so to speak. The sky is streaked with fiery colors, the faintest trace of stars littering the heavens.

And the tears run down my cheeks unchecked and my chest is literally aching, as if an invisible hand is clenching my heart to the point of bursting. The others are still around, feeling the same sadness as I do. But then again, my grief is different, you are not merely a wonderful friend to me but the guy I'm in love with. No one feels the kind of grief I'm feeling. Not even Kaoru. You love me in return and I mourn for our love but at the same time, there's a relief in me since I know you love me. In some cases, Kaoru's got it worst. Not only are her beloved parent's dead but the man she loves who doesn't love her in return – I'm sorry for being so brutal but it's the truth – and her best friend is gone.

I'm still staring outside, silently crying, when a small hand touches my shoulder and I slowly turn around. Kaoru is standing behind me, her own eyes overflowing with tears.

I hastily wipe at the moisture on my cheeks. "Yes? What is it?"

"We're going now, are you coming with us?" Kaoru asks me, eyes alight with a mixture of sadness and faith. Then her gaze transfers to the glass wall behind me but the plane can't be seen any longer. A wry smile lights up her face. "No matter how I stare outside he's not coming back." She lets out a long breath. "So, are you coming? We're eating at Iruga's."

I look past her and saw the faces of the others. They are looking at us, at me, expectantly. Only Aoshi didn't cry and it seems doubtful the other guys will admit they cried even when the tears were obviously running down their cheeks. Then I look down at Kaoru and see the slight friendly smile on her lips. I nod and smile tentatively in return.

"Okay, I'd like that."

Both of us give a last glance beyond the glass wall, to see the quickly darkening sky and the immediate dotting of stars, and then we move away and walk towards the exit. The others are ahead and Kaoru is walking by my side.

I give her a sideways glance, looking at her through the corner of my eyes. Her eyes are dry but hold a certain haunted look and she had wiped the tears from her cheeks but she was still pale.

"Are you okay?" I feel that I need to ask. After all, in one way or another, Kaoru and I are sort of friends.

She lifts her shoulders in a small shrug. "Okay, I guess. Well, maybe not okay. More like hell, I think. But I'll get better. You?"

"More or less the same way. But like you, I'll get better."

-X-

The little café is particularly busy that night, full of teenagers and adults alike treating themselves to the delicious little snacks, no matter how calorific they are.

Luckily though, when we arrived at the little café, there was a free table near the back, conveniently near a large window so it won't be too humid, as a soft breeze will always blow through. It was only a matter of finding extra chairs so everybody can sit down while eating. It was Sano and Misao who ordered, asking each of us what we liked before going to the counter.

They aren't back yet since the line is quite long, mostly people wanting takeout, but the rest of us just talk. Well, except for Aoshi. And we aren't talking about Kenshin, since it is too raw for us to go over, but instead conversing about random and casual things like movies in the theater and what new clothes are out in the shops.

Finally, Sano and Misao come back, hands gripping trays decked with fries, burgers, sodas and sandwiches. And even a salad for Aoshi. The two are bickering as they head to our table, giving one another angry glares and muttering childish and affectionate – though neither one would admit it – insults. They place the trays in the middle of the table and take their seats, Sano by Kaoru and Misao in between Kaoru and Aoshi.

"Hey, where's the ketchup?" Misao suddenly bursts out, looking for the tiny ketchup packets to splurge all over her crispy fries. She glares at Sano and points an accusing finger at him. "You didn't ask for ketchup, didn't you? Trust a rooster to do a human's job."

Sano growls, rolling his eyes at her. "Yeah well, I'm sure you couldn't do it either Misao since you're a weasel!"

The two sticks out their tongue at one another childishly, ready to do verbal battle. Kaoru, unfortunately in between the two, frowns deeply and scolds the two, "Eek! Really you two, can't you get along? If you can't, kindly fight somewhere else where the furious energy you give wouldn't burn me?"

Frowning, Misao and Sano both look away and in unison declare, "I won't get the ketchup since I'm not the one who 'messed up!"

"I'll get it," I volunteer suddenly, standing up. After all, I am closest to the little table with ketchup and mustard bottles on top.

"Now see what you made Tomoe-san do!" Kaoru chides with a roll of her eyes. "You guys are such…animals!"

I slip out and turn around, walking towards the little stand by the wall, a small smile on my lips. They are fun to be with and I wonder if they're only asking me to hang out with them because of what happened, Kenshin's leaving and all. But it doesn't matter if they are, since I've been without too much friends before and I can certainly be without them now and tomorrow.

I reach for one of the red bottles of ketchup, only to collide with another hand, darker and larger and more calloused than mine. I look beside me and see a tall and dark-haired man with light brown eyes, who obviously is also trying to pick the same ketchup bottle as me.

He smiles charmingly and pulls his hand back, gesturing at the bottle. "You can take it, Ms. I'll just take this other one." Then he takes the other ketchup bottle there.

I don't smile back since I don't know the guy. But he seems decent enough. "Thanks, I guess."

There is something about his eyes, light brown and gentle. Maybe it is the kindness and good nature in them. I give him a better look, my face carefully devoid of any expression except mild boredom, the way I usually look.

I'm about to walk back before he speaks again. "Well, my name's um, Kiyosato Akira and I just moved here from Osaka." His smile is genuine enough and without a single leer in it. "Sorry, that sounds lame. I don't know anyone here and well, you seem like a friendly person." I don't respond and he sighs, "Okay, being a dork here so I'll just go."

This is rude of me, I think. He really seems like a nice person and I know how it feels to be new and friendless.

"Wait," I call out softly and he stops and turns to me again. "My name's Yukishiro Tomoe. And I'm pleased to meet you, Akira-san."

He grins widely and I feel myself, startlingly, albeit reluctantly, smiling back.

-X-

**(Kenshin's POV)**

"Flight 107 from Japan to Canada will now be boarding, please go to Gate 14. Flight 107 from Japan to Canada will now be boarding, please go to Gate 14…Flight 107…"

The speaker's blare out, the voice speaking in nasally tones.

My entire body tenses and I feel you stiffen in my arms as well. Everyone stops whatever they are doing and looks at me with unhappy expressions, standing up and walking to where you and I are sitting on a far bench. I stand up and help you up as well, holding your hand and gripping tightly.

I don't want to let go.

My parents appear near the gate, carry-on bags ready and tickets in hand. All they needed is I so we can board the plane. They look at me with understanding looks and nod towards my friends, giving me a few more minutes to say my final goodbyes.

They form an overwrought circle around me and I look at their depressing faces, some eyes misty with tears.

Kaoru is painfully biting her lower lip, eyes already overflowing and luminous in her tears. "Kenshin…" Her voice is soft and broken and she gives me the most heartbreaking look. I see the unrequited love, despair and loneliness in those deep eyes and my heart breaks.

She wipes at her tears but they keep on coming and she sniffles. Then she says in a very unsteady voice, "H-Have a-a-a good f-flight." Her breath hitches in her throat and she buries her face in her hands, shoulders shuddering as she cried. I reach forward to embrace her, Sano and Misao simultaneously about to do the same thing but she holds up a shaky hand. Kaoru takes deep breaths and rubs her eyes furiously.

"I…I'm all r-right, really…" Kaoru says and she gives a tiny smile. "I really do mean it, Kenshin. I hope you'll have a good flight and…and meet new friends and be happy…"

No one says anything after that since I guess that is all they want to say.

And for them…

"All I want to say is, I'll see you later, you guys since I don't want to say goodbye. Ever. Since saying that would mean we will never see each other again and I just won't like that." I grin and unsurprisingly, my vision blurs. "So yeah, that's all I want to say, minna-san. Later."

Your fingers grasp mine firmly and I squeeze back. Your eyes are shadowy with tears and incredibly sadness and my smile slips away. This is it. The last moment I will have with my friends and loved one is here and there's nothing to smile about it because it is all terribly painful.

"Hug anyone?" Misao whispers and leaps at me, gripping me breathlessly. As if on cue, everyone else runs towards me, hugging and squeezing me tightly, weeping and whimpering. No one thinks this is strange because we are in the airport and these things aren't uncommon.

"Kenshin," a soft voice interrupts our group hug and I look over the heads of my friends and see, with my teary eyes, my mother standing near us, hands beckoning me to come already.

I realize that there is only a little time left and everybody pulls apart, wiping hastily at their eyes, including me.

"It's time to board, dear," Mom says to me in a soft voice.

I nod, my heart beating furiously. My hand is still clutched in Tomoe's, fingers intertwined. I just hope our love will survive.

"Okay, mom, I'll be there really soon," I say to her and she waits patiently for me to come.

I look at all of their faces, lingering on Kaoru's. Then I gaze at you, memorizing every line and curve of your face beautiful face and the mesmerizing gray color of your wondrous eyes. Tears are clinging to your lashes and there is a thin film still in your eyes. Please don't cry.

"This is it," Sano tightly declares. He clasps my shoulder in the way men do and nods. "Take care, man."

"Take care, Himura-san," Soujirou politely says, face earnest and for once, the smile both genuinely sad and happy.

Aoshi hmphed. "Himura," he pauses. I expect him to say something weird like, 'may the force be with you' or something. But he continued in a strangely cordial tone. "Go with care, as well."

I look at him for a long moment and smile. "Hai, Aoshi."

Misao then steps forward and punches me none-too-lightly on the arm and I grimace. "If you ever so much as not reply to my emails or calls, I'll kill you," she threatens believably, face menacing then blooming into a friendly smile. "Take care, now."

"Oro," I utter softly and chuckle. (A/N: Hehehe, first appearance, ne?)

"Oh Ken-san! I'll miss you SO much!" Megumi femininely wailed, throwing her arms around my shoulders and pulls my body tight. "Please tell me you won't go chasing girls in Canada. I know they're gorgeous there but don't forget you have a sumptuous and delicate Megumi waiting for you always here!"

I lightly laugh, unwinding her arms gently away. "Of course, Megumi-dono. You can bet on that. No one will beat the exotic women of Japan."

Megumi sniffs and nods. She steps back beside Sano and surprisingly, but surely, leans against him. He looks startled for a moment but places a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"Oi Kenshin," Yahiko's bratty voice calls. I look at him and think that he'll be much taller than me when we'll see each other next time.

"Yeah?"

"You better email and call all the time," Yahiko repeats Misao's words, trying to sound intimidating but beneath that I hear the insecure voice of a young boy. Of course I feel the same way. After all, I'm also scared of losing my friends here the longer I stay in a faraway place, our communication dying until we forget one another and if we are to bump to each other, perhaps we won't even remember.

I smile warmly and place my hands on his shoulders, giving him a reassuring grasp. "Always, Yahiko-kun."

He dips his head and walk away.

Kaoru bit her lip and walk towards me. "See you, Kenshin. And take care always," she sincerely says. "If you don't…then I'll let Misao-san kick you butt!" She offers a wide smile this time and I accept it, heart breaking and mending at the same time at the thought of what Kaoru has and will go through, and bring her into my arms for a long, tight hug. For a second, really quickly, Kaoru completely leans into me, letting go of inhibitions and sadness and lonesomeness. Just us. Best friends.

She pulls apart first, hastily wiping at her eyes and a beautiful smile on her puffy face.

Then finally, at long last, I turn to you. Your head is slightly dipped down, bangs shadowing your wonderful gray eyes. I want to see your eyes. I want to touch your hand. Snugly hug you. Kiss you.

My hands gently cup your soft cheeks, tenderly memorizing – again – your every feature. And the world melts away.

I lean down to kiss you and you tilt your head up, bangs sliding away and I see your eyes, so wide and so beautiful and full of the raw emotion you and I share exclusively.

"Love you always," you whisper softly.

"Love you always," I confirm gently and capture your lips in mine.

-X-

The plane gently flies in the sky, the sunset achingly stunning in this height and I see the pretty gold and orange light glowing against the swirly clouds as our aircraft pierces through, steadily and surely making its way over the oceans and countries to the final destination.

We left the airport thirty minutes ago and are now comfortably seated in our seats. The plane isn't very full but moderately occupied and the television screen in the cabin flickers with tips and warnings and what and what not to do in case we happen upon an emergency.

I'm sitting by the window and I tear away my gaze from the wonderful view of the dusky sky, stars already coming out and darkness creeping slowly. Beside me is my mother and on her other side is Dad.

They are busily watching the television screen since both are a bit paranoid of flying. But for me, it's okay. I certainly don't feel afraid or anxious.

I glance down at the medium-sized box in my hands, wrapped in silky and bright red wrapping paper with a large bow on top. Sano had given it to me before I boarded the plane, saying it was a farewell gift from all of them. Including Tomoe.

My emotions are now calm enough for me to open the gift. I feel overwhelmed that they got me something and immensely curious at what it could be.

I pull the bow and pick at the sticky tape on the wrapping paper, carefully unwrapping it. I look down at the white medium-sized box and I gently lift the top box. On top is a slightly thick gold chain. It is just a gold chain. Underneath it is a folded piece of blue stationary. Then something bulky is below the stationary. But I examine the gold chain first. I lift the necklace and bring it up and it catches the orange and pink glow from the sunset. Then I notice a few words in the inner rim of the necklace and I pull it closer, squinting.

They are words. Names to be exact. Their names.

_Kamiya Kaoru. Makimachi Misao. Shinomori Aoshi. Sagara Sanosuke. Takani Megumi. Seta Soujirou. Myoujin Yahiko. _

And finally, on the other side of Kaoru's name…

_Yukishiro Tomoe._

I smile widely and finger the gold chain. It doesn't look too feminine or masculine. It looks neutral.

I unclasp the clutch and reach behind my neck and I wear it, letting it fall against my shirt, feeling the slight weight of it on my chest.

Then I take the stationary and unfold it. Written on it is a very long letter in one paragraph and in different writing. I can tell they all wrote something without giving pause.

And with a really big grin on my face, I start to read:

First it is Kaoru's handwriting. Telling from the way she writes Kaoru is a kind-hearted, cheerful and headstrong person. Her curvy and bold handwriting said, the first few sentences in the letter: __

_Hey Kenshin, all of us decided that since you're leaving way too quickly we're going to give you a parting present; something to remember us all by. And the necklace thing with our names in the inside was my idea. Cool, huh? Anyway, just wanted to say that I hope you'll have a great time in Canada and you'll miss us more than we'll miss you! Also, you'll always be my very best friend no matter what happens, okay? And well, I just want to thank you for always being there for me no matter what. You'll always by my closest best friend, okay? And I don't care if you don't...you don't love me back because I still love you and I sincerely, truly hope you and Tomoe will end up together. I swear. _

I smile though I feel the prick of my conscience again. I'm sure Kaoru doesn't mean to let me feel bad but I still do everytime I remember she's always so miserable with her one-sided love. I sigh and notice that the next sentences are in Misao's squiggly and slightly indiscernible scrawl wrote:

_Ey Himura, I know you're reading this during the plane. Sure hope it's rocky and makes you sick. Just kidding. What else do I say to you anyway? If I want to say everything one sheet of paper won't be enough. So I'll just summarize: First, never forget any of your friends here and especially me. Second, treasure always that necklace because it cost us big money and I'm sure you'll like the other gift as well. Hahaha. That was Kaoru's idea too. Well, all of it was Kaoru's idea. You sure have one wonderful friend, Himura. Don't forget her or us, got it buster?_

Aoshi wrote the next sentences in a neat and scholarly hand, obviously. You can almost see the concentration and seriousness in each stiff curve. And the things he wrote are very weird and zen-y and stuff and would be incoherent in its meaning if Misao had not written the translation of Aoshi-ness enclosed in parenthesis. He wrote:

_You are born again with a new sun, Himura, and it shines as brightly as the previous one (and Misao translates: You are given a new path and a new life and it is as brilliant as your old one). Go wherever the wind takes you and pray you reach your intended horizon in full empathy with your spirit (and Misao translates: The plane will lead you to your destination, Canada and hope you reach there in good health physically and emotionally). And a word of caution and advice: don't eat shit when you can't swallow it (and Misao translates: I think it explains itself quite well!!! )_

My shoulders shake with suppressed laughter and I shake my head. Even if most of the time Aoshi speaks in spiritual Aoshi-ness gibberish, it sounds really funny when you listen to him. This is one comical and memorable parting gift yet and I eagerly scan the next sentences and Sano, who is next, writes the words in large, lazy characters:

_Oi Kenshin, what can I say man? We've been friends a long time and I can't believe you'll be in America with all those gorgeous chicks. And blonds! Don't forget the blonds! Send me a picture, will ya? And perhaps one phone number of three? Don't worry; I'll make sure everything is all 'maa maa minna-san' here. If you want, I'll even add the 'oro' and the 'dono.' But that would be overkill. I hope you won't 'dono' all those pretty babes when you get to Canada or they'll think you're way too polite to date. And oh yeah, I'll take care of Kaoru too. Don't have to worry about a thing. I won't seduce her and stuff. It'd be fun though. Kidding! Well, take care and good luck man._

Of course I know of Sano's feelings for Kaoru and for Kaoru's feelings for me. I hope they'll both be happy – but without the help of Sano's seduction! God knows how well, persuasive that guy can be.

And next is Megumi with her flirty and sensual letters, she even changed the dots over her i's and j's into little hearts.

_Oh Ken-san! I miss you already and technically, you're still here while I'm writing this. But the thought of you so far away is oh so unbearable! I'll always be here for you Ken-san when those Canadian girls will break your heart. Remember that you have a sexy and beautiful Megumi who can please and take care of you in ways you can't even imagine. Hohohohoho! Please don't ever forget any of us here in humble ol' Japan, understand? Miss you already!_

I feel a tight constricting in my chest and it loosens again. I read on, my parents still enthralled by the helpful video showing in the television. It is Soujirou and you can guess that it is his writing because after every couple of words there is a widely smiling happy face. Creepy, I know. Soujirou often smiles and seldom means it.

_Himura-san, hope you're enjoying your flight. I know it's still weird for me to call you Himura-san since we're the same age and all but I think that you're one of the most wonderful persons ever. Even after knowing the kind of crowd I used to hang out with and even helping in getting Kaoru-chan in danger, you still accepted me and befriended me. And though I've thanked you countless times, I'll do it again. Arigatou gozaimasu. You and Kaoru-chan were the only ones who didn't judge me and still became my friend. Thank so you much, again. I know you'll be popular and great in Canada because you're very kind and polite. Take care, all right?_

Well, only Kaoru didn't judge Soujirou. I did, after he got Kaoru into that stupid circumstance. I was really furious but in the end, it all worked out fine. I push away those long memories and resume my reading. Yahiko's scribble becomes visible next and he rambles on and gets away with it, being the youngest in our circle of friends and all:

_Oi Kenshin, I still can't believe you're moving. And before I get to be a senior too. Bummer. Anyway, I told Tsubame the news and she says 'good luck and always be your self' and stuff like that. Also, you better come back here for holidays and summers and stuff like that. Don't wanna see busu weeping always. And don't worry I'll keep an eye on her because Sano can't be trusted with mature things like that. Mustn't let her do anything drastic like selling her cool house on a sadistic whim or whatever. Anyway, as Tsubame said, 'good luck – with the girls I mean – and be your self' so that's it. Later._

And finally, in a calm and reserved handwriting, I come to Tomoe's part of the letter. My heart pounds as I come to the words I'm most anxious to read.

_Kenshin. It feels odd to be writing a farewell letter, knowing you'll read it when you've left while you're still here. I have to pretend you're gone already to be able to write what I really want to say. You have no idea how hard that is. So, here I go. You know what, I realize that there is a fifty-fifty chance that our love can't last forever though it's true and genuine. But even if we fall out of love with one another, you'll always be someone very special to me, someone always in my heart and soul because you are my first love, the first boy who loves me as much as I love him. And that's important and unforgettable. And maybe I will love you always and our feelings will stay strong and true but whatever happens, I'll always, always remember you and the love we share now. Forever. And take care. Good luck. Be happy. And I love you._

Luckily, my eyes remain dry though my heart is twisting with relief and sorrow. I take a deep breath and release the tightness in my chest, sagging against my seat. This is such a touching and funny and sweet parting gift and I touch lightly the cool gold necklace against my shirt, fingering the thin engravings. Then I carefully fold the stationary and look down at my final gift and am surprised to see a stack of photos, five all in all. I pick it up and put back the stationary inside. Then I look at the first picture and let out a chuckle.

It was a copy of the original photo, obviously, since it still looks brand new and crisp, no frayed edges considering that the original was taken when Kaoru, Aoshi and I were still in preschool.

The picture portrays the three of us in one table, doing our group project. I can still remember what it was, since it was the very moment we all became friends. We were to draw our favorite things and color our work of art. In the photo, Kaoru is crouching down, tongue stuck between the front of her upper teeth, deep in concentration, hair still in that familiar ponytail though shorter, paint on her cheeks and clutching a crayon in her little fist. On her right is me, with shorter red hair and with really, really pink cheeks. I am clutching a jar of paste and my other hand is lifting towards my mouth oozing with paste, about to eat it. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, yes, I was a paste eater long, long ago. But now I only put edible things inside my mouth. Then, on Kaoru's left is Aoshi, face a bit more relaxed since he was still a kid back then but still retaining some of the Aoshi-ness found in him now. He is staring, no glaring, at the spilt pink paint on the table as if he could command it to disappear with the power of his mind.

Those were the days. Preschool, when all we had to worry about were monsters in the closet, lack of cookies and the sudden cancellation of naptime.

I look at the second picture and shake my head in great amusement.

This was taken, I think, three years ago when we were freshmen. It was a picture of me, Kaoru, Sano, Aoshi, Misao and Megumi. Yahiko and Soujirou aren't in the photo since we haven't met them yet at that time. We are, in the image, in the beach since I remember that it was summer. The person taking the picture was a beachcomber who was kind enough to take it. Kaoru and Misao are making sand-Sano, piling sparkling sand on top of him. The only thing not covered with sand is his head, arms and toes. Megumi is standing over Sano, laughing at him in good-natured, mocking way. Kaoru and Misao are giving each other high-fives and on either side of the standing Megumi are Aoshi and I, also covered in sand. They had gotten to us. And in the backdrop is the long stretch of glittering sea and powder-blue sky.

Then I flip to the third picture.

It's of me and Tomoe during our JS Prom. We are looking at one another's eyes deeply, small smiles on our mouths, dressed in our prom-y costumes, me in a black suit and Tomoe in a breathtaking lavender gown, contrasting perfectly with her pale skin. Her hair is down and streaming against her shoulders and back with a light hint of make-up on her classically beautiful face. As for me, I look pretty much the same, though more dignified. My hair is still in its low ponytail and combed so much that it isn't frizzing everywhere. My arms are wrapped around her slender waist and she is leaning towards me slightly. You could practically feel the emotions radiating from us. Or maybe, it's just clear to me.

But on that night, Megumi was voted as Prom Queen, not Tomoe and I was Prom King. I still think that Sano deserves it but I got it instead. Heh, I still have that fake crown somewhere in our luggage.

The next picture is the most hilarious one. All of us are in it, including Yahiko and Soujirou and Tomoe. It is during our carwash project to raise money for our class trip. There are dozens of cars waiting in line and Kaoru and I are washing the same car, me handling the hose and Kaoru using the sudsy sponge. She is wearing a plain shirt and shorts but they are wet and sticking to her body since I am squirting her with water. Both of us are laughing hard, Kaoru trying hard to block herself from the power of the water hose with her pathetic sponge. Then, on the left side of the picture, Misao is blowing bubbles at Aoshi's not-that-stoic face because he looks ready to laugh. Then Yahiko and Sano are fighting with their water hoses, sending water and soap bubbles flying everywhere, Megumi behind Sano and holding a bucket of more soapy water over his read, quite ready to pour, while Soujirou is apologizing profusely to Tomoe whom he accidentally dumped a bucket of sudsy soap on to and she is dripping wet.

It was a brilliant day, filled with laughter and smiles and dripping clothes. And we raised enough money for that class trip and had a blast also. But I really love that carwash moment and will be stuck in my brain forever. Very much the essence of a Kodak Moment, actually.

Finally, I reach the final picture and smile gently as I watch it.

It's only of Kaoru and me and we're about twelve years old in this picture. I'm holding a single sunflower and handing it to Kaoru who is kneeling by the grave of her beloved pet, Katz the kitty, eyes full of tears. The poor, adorable cat had died a week before that picture was taken, hit by a truck and the driver didn't even stop to see if Katz had survived. Kaoru took it real hard but got over it eventually. I just realize that she's been dealt with so much hardship and loss; first it was her pet, then my leaving then her parent's death. It's a wonder she's still able to smile and laugh. But Kaoru's strong. Life wouldn't have given her so many losses if God didn't know Kaoru is strong and will pull through it.

Mom looks at the things I'm holding then at me. "What's that, Kenshin?"

"Oh, just a little present from my friends, mom."

She smiles. "You've got good friends, dear."

I look down at the picture again, focusing on Kaoru's sweet face.

"I sure do." _And always will..._

-X-

A/N: Pretty long, huh? That's not even the entire chapter! I had to cut Kaoru's part because it's way too long for me. So, chapter 8.5 will be out either tomorrow or the next day. So, what do you think? Just wait till Kaoru's chapter comes out. There'll be a twist. Maybe you've guest but I doubt it.

Now please click that button down there and tell me what you think!


	9. defying god part 2

What It Means To Love You

Chapter 8.5: Defying God

Standard disclaimers apply.

-X-

**(Kaoru's POV) **

Three days pass by without me noticing. Nothing important happened but my longing for my parents and for Kenshin increased as the hours slowly and quickly passed. But I miss my parents the most and every night, I wake up and realize I had been crying. But I didn't weep loudly since I didn't want to distract Misao. She and her family have been kind enough to let me stay as long as I want.

And that's my biggest problem. Where am I going to stay? I can't very well intrude on Misao or any of my friend's houses as much as they say that it's okay. Maybe I'm going to an orphanage. Or I could just live by myself and sell the house and buy a smaller one near my friend's home. But since I'm still underage and parentless, the government won't allow that until they see to it that I get a guardian. What's the use anyway? I'll be eighteen next year and will be an adult soon. I don't want to have new parents and since I don't have any living relative left, that's what they're going to give me.

Oh God, I'll be adopted by strangers! If they even want an obstinate and stubborn seventeen-year-old teenager.

That's why on Friday, my parent's lawyer will be visiting me, telling me all about the will of my parents and stuff like that along with a social worker from the government, telling me where and who I will live with from now on.

Sano, Misao and Aoshi are kind enough to skip classes during the afternoon to be with me since they don't have any major tests that day. But the others are too busy and can't make it. Sano's parents don't care about the things he do, Misao's parents have given their consent and Aoshi's parents are too indifferent. I don't go to school anymore, knowing what people will tell me to my face and whisper behind my back. Fortunately, the teachers understand and more fortunately, we don't have any major tests this week or any projects.

And that's another thing.

Sano.

I still can't believe what he told me.

He confessed to me during the day Kenshin left, a few feet away from Kenshin. I had no idea Sano felt that way and my heart always wrenches with guilt whenever I think of what he said and how he _looked_ when he said it. But I know that I will never feel that way. As much as I want to stop feeling this way for Kenshin who doesn't even love me back, I can't stop it. If anything in my life is sure and constant, it's my love for him. It's as if God himself told me that the only guy I will ever be in love with is Kenshin. I may have crushes or infatuations but love is distinctly different.

I look blindly at the monitor of my laptop, the screen glowing against my face. No messages. Kenshin has not yet emailed me. With a sigh, I lean back against my chair and just stare at the screen, vaguely aware that the house is too quiet, ever since my parents had died. No radio, no television blaring from downstairs. It's so gloomy and silent one could drop a grain of sand and hear it echo in the house.

Reluctantly, my mind wanders to that moment Sano confessed and a small frown turns my mouth down.

_-X-_

_"Jou-chan, I need to speak with you," Sano said to me with his face brooding and dark. I glanced at Kenshin who was talking to Tomoe and I nodded. "Okay, Sano, so what's up?"_

_He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a secluded bench a little way from where the group was generally staying. I looked at him in surprise. "Privately," he added with a haunted look in his eyes. I shot him a worried look as we sat down on the bench. Then I noticed that his shoulders are tense and his jaw is clenched tightly and I could see that his face was a bit pale and his fingers were twitching with nervousness. I placed my hand gently on his shoulder and gave him a concerned smile. "You okay? You seem…really uptight."_

_He gave a tight smile then it disappeared, leaving his face completely serious and…distant somehow. "Kaoru, I need to tell you something. This might sound really stupid or unexpected but please, please don't hate me. I can't help…feeling this way even when I know that it's impossible. And I'm just being stupid." He took a deep breath and glanced at Kenshin and unpredictably scowled. _

_I looked at him, taking aback. Not only had he called me by my name, for the first time in years, but also he seemed to be harboring some inner grudge against Kenshin when they're best friends. I know they're not fighting because Kenshin would have told me. And he looked like what he's feeling or thinking was eating him alive! _

_My worry grew tenfold. I tightened my grip on his shoulder. "Sano, tell me please. What are you feeling and why is it stupid and impossible?" I asked softly, looking directly into his troubled eyes. _

_Suddenly, he carefully took my hand away from his shoulder and clasped it in his own big, rough hands. His voice was steady but filled with, amazingly, yearning. "Kaoru, I've felt this way towards you for the longest time. Maybe ever since I met you. You might think that it's Megumi but it's not. She's just a friend, honestly. Given, she is gorgeous but still a friend." It was probably apparent from my confused look that I had no idea what he was talking about. Then after a quick pause, he finally said it. And it was a bombshell. _

_"Kaoru, I'm in love with you." _

_I stared at him, open-mouthed. I'm confounded, reeling, stunned! Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this from Sano, of all people. No wonder Sano seemed furious at Kenshin. _

_I just stared at him with the most dazed expression, unable to think or reply for the longest time. He squirmed under my shocked gaze, sweat breaking out on his forehead. _

_"I…I didn't know…" I mumbled torpidly, emphasizing with a quick shake of my head. _

_He gave a bitter chuckle, a humorless grin on his face. "The understatement of the century. No offense, Jou-chan, but when it comes to people obsessing over you, you just don't have a clue." _

_I guess I deserved that. But how was I too now I was supposed to be looking out for signs that guys were falling for me? What was I supposed to do, anyway? Not like I could date them. Well, I could but we'd both end up miserable because my heart is just not with that person. _

_I bit my lip, looking away guiltily. What do I do? How do I reply? I'm completely positive that all I feel for Sano is just friendship and nothing more. _

_"I'm sorry…" I cringed immediately; that was so lame! How does one say sorry for not loving someone who loves you? What if Kenshin were to say that what would I do? _

_Sano chuckled and this time, it didn't sound very bitter. "That's okay. I guess I was asking for this, anyway, knowing how you felt for Kenshin and all. But damn, Jou-chan, you're too amazing to resist." That last part he mumbled, sounding a little begrudged. But the haunted look in his eyes – I guess the look I often have in my own eyes whenever I think, look and talk about and to Kenshin – was gone. But he was still a little tense around the shoulders, unlike the relaxed, laid-back mood he's often in. _

_I gave a wry little smile and a shake of my head. "Then why doesn't Kenshin love me if I'm so amazing?" I was asking half-jokingly and half-seriously. _

_And yet again, I open my big mouth. I watch his face darken. "Kenshin's a moron. You're a beautiful person Kaoru, inside and out and it's true no matter how cliché it might seem. You're the kindest, sweetest most selfless person that has ever walked the earth." He said this so sincerely and with so much feeling that my eyes watered and I sniffed, smiling hugely. He blanched at the sight of my tears and sighed, scratching the back of his head. "Well, that was surely out of character. But I must right that one down lest I forget it. Makes a good pick-up line, doncha think?" He gave a little winked and I giggled softly, wiping at my eyes. Whenever I think that I don't have any more tears to cry with, I surprise myself. But this time, the tears weren't for sadness but for delight and – not to mention – I felt really flattered. _

_Impulsively, I reached towards him and hugged him tightly, surprising him a little. For a second, he tensed when I got close but his muscles relaxed and he hugged me back, tightening around me with gentle force. I smiled as I buried my face on his shoulder. _

_Then we pulled apart and for just a quick moment, the awkwardness was back but he squashed it and said with a naughty grin, the gleam back in his eyes, "Wanna go annoy the hell out of Yahiko?"_

_-X-_

Suddenly frustration built up inside of me and I rub my hands against my face, pinching my cheeks for good measure. My head is swimming with so many thoughts and I need a break from all of them. Coffee. Yes, I want, no need coffee. Obviously, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep ever since my parent's – and Kenshin leaving – death.

I click the little minimize button on my email page and push my chair back, the scraping noise loud and annoying in the silence of my room and generally the whole house.

I stand up and walk outside my room and down the long stairs, out into the hallway, pause at the large living room where I had gotten that life-turning phone call and into the kitchen. I'm not really scared of being alone in such a huge house since it's still daytime but I would hate being here by myself when twilight came. That's why I always go to Misao or Megumi's – preferably Misao's because Megumi's parents are really formal and strict and the atmosphere in their home is so imposing – house.

I brew some coffee and while waiting, I open the fridge and see that it is still stocked with the last week's groceries but nothing had gone bad. I dig around and finally find some leftover cake on a little plate that is still good and pull it out. I took out a fork and pour coffee into a medium-sized cup when it is finished and add cream to it, mixing the liquid until turned a pretty and delicious mocha color.

For the next two weeks, I'll be alternating from my friend's house and my house until my parents get properly buried and until the government finds a guardian for me. Idly, I bring the cup to my mouth and take a delicate sip of the hot brew and feel the liquid warm my insides, caffeine pumping energy all throughout my body. I smile a little. I've never really been allowed to drink coffee when my mom and dad were still alive but I love it so much. I just love the slightly bitter, slightly sweet thick taste of it.

Who doesn't?

I pick the plate with the fork and retraced my steps, going back into my bedroom. It's cool and a little dark, the sunlight only brightening one side of my room and it didn't reach where I am. I sit down and place the plate and coffee on the table, on either side of my computer. Then I click the 'restore' button and the email page and I'm wonderfully startled when there's a new letter in my inbox. I click it and as I wait for the page to load, my heart pumps loudly in my chest and ears and I feel, wait, I know that it's from Kenshin. Finally, the page appears and I smile widely when I see that the email is from Kenshin. I quickly click the letter open and eagerly read its contents. I could actually hear his voice – that sweet, gentle timbre – saying the letter as if he is just by my side.

_Kaoru-dono,_

_I've just only arrived in Canada in our new home. Well, it's pretty cool and bigger than our house back there. It has two floors and five bedrooms and three bathrooms, so there are three extra bedrooms and one extra bathroom. There's a really large kitchen, living room, separate dining room and a basement that I'm planning to make into a rec room. I just wish that you guys could be here so we can have a sleepover, the kind we used to have. Oro. I miss you all so much. It's only been, what, three days and I'm missing everyone to death. You're the first person I've emailed and I hope you're okay. I know that it's been terribly hard for all of you, especially for you. _

_I've been thinking, Kaoru-dono. I know that Sano has been pining over you for a long time now. I know. It's obvious. And…and…well, I know that you have had…something for me these years and as much as I hate to say this, I want you to get over me. I'm not being arrogant or pompous but I'm your best friend and I don't want you to be always hurt because I have feelings for Tomoe. You may hate me for saying this – well, that's the point I guess, no, not hate me but forget you're in love with me – but I want you to go out with Sano. If I know you, and I do, you're infamous temper must be flaring by now but Kaoru-dono, I hate seeing you so hurt everytime you see me, talk to me, be with me and I can't help but feel terribly guilty. Please forgive me for this, Kaoru-dono, but I believe this is for the best. I'll always be your best friend, no matter what'll happen._

_Always,_

_Kenshin_

Damn right he is that my infamous temper is showing itself. I mean, who wouldn't be furious when the guy you love practically orders you to go out with his best friend? Well, I am. That's…that's…urgh! There is nothing wrong about Sano, in fact, he's really good-looking and funny and sweet but the fact is, I'm in love with Kenshin, not him. And I'm not the kind of girl who easily lets go of her love. I've felt this way about Kenshin for years, dammit, and he has the nerve to tell me to date Sano?

I grip the sides of the screen and shake it angrily, watching as the screen quivers along. My eyes are narrowed and my chest heaves with indignation. With an enraged sigh, I let go of the computer screen and sit back on my chair. But I still feel the frustration and rage still cursing inside me.

But can I blame Kenshin? What did I feel when Sano told me he's in love with me? Guilt, painful guilt, so I deduce that that is what Kenshin must have felt whenever he saw me with that unrequited-love expression on my face or in my eyes and smile. Somehow, I can never fully disguise it. Some trace always leeks somewhere.

But still it hurts.

-X-

Friday comes to quickly. Misao, Aoshi, Sano and I are sitting on one of the larger sofas, facing the kind-looking lawyer and the stern-looking social worker. Now there's an irony for you. A plate of cookies and six glasses of orange juice are placed on the glass table in the middle. The day outside isn't too hot but the air is sort of humid and my anxiousness is mounting as every second ticks by.

I study again my guests. The lawyer looks to be about thirty-something with short brown hair and a kindly expression in his dark blue eyes. He isn't wearing the tweed suits most lawyer's sport but just a casual shirt and pants. In fact, Yokohama-san doesn't look like a lawyer at all. I mean, to me. He's good-looking in the way my…my father was good-looking and not at all old and potbellied like most attorneys of the law.

But the social worker isn't at all the caring middle-aged woman I expected her to be. First, she's an American with incredibly white skin and long legs. After all, most social workers in movies and books are understanding women. But then again, this is real life, not some movie or novel. Her hair, despite the obvious thirty-ish look of her face, is long and shiny and darkly red. Her eyes are bright and intelligent, calculating as she gazes at me, my friends and around the living room. She is wearing, strangely, a light suit with matching high-heels.

I catch Misao's look and we both hold our laughter.

"Kamiya-san, let's get to business, ne?" Yokohama-san good-naturedly begins, cutting the thick tension in the air with his deep and sympathetic voice.

I nod stiffly, swallowing heavily. "Okay. Let's start, I guess, with my parent's…last will." I blanch and Misao, who is sitting beside me, comfortingly holds my hand.

Yokohama-san smiled considerately. "All right then. I'm sure you're wondering why the late Kamiya's had created their last will and testimony so early in their lives. They were just taking precaution. In this day and age, anything can happen. Besides, they didn't expect for…what happened to happen. Not at all. Just cautious." He rummages inside his briefcase and takes out a thin pile of documents and puts them on the glass table, sliding it towards me. I consciously pick them up and scan the pages, unable to understand the law jargon on the paper.

I shake my head and hand it to Sano who takes one glance on the seal on top of the paper and then hands it to Aoshi, who seems to understand the terms and such and looks deeply engrossed as he reads it.

The lawyer smiles kindly and says, "The documents state, that you, Kamiya Kaoru, only daughter of the recently deceased Kamiya Tenchi and Sakuya (A/N: Not real name, since I don't know their real names) are the sole beneficiary of everything they own, this house and everything in it and the quite impressive sum of money they saved in various banks and everything else."

Sano looks a bit confused so Yokohama-san decided to spell it out for him. "It means that Kaoru-san will receive everything her parents owned."

Misao sniggers and Sano rolls her eyes. I shush them both even though they didn't say anything. Aoshi finally puts down the documents on the table and Yokohama-san picks them up and arranges them.

"But," his voice takes in a warning tone and say, "Kaoru-san will only be able to receive most of her money when she turns eighteen, which is next year, isn't it? So, this is where Mandy comes in." He smiles charmingly at the woman beside him.

She arch's a brow but smiles a little and a sort of warmth enters her eyes. But her voice is brisk and professional as she speaks. "Yes. As you might think, you no longer have any living relatives. You have no aunts since both of your parents were the only children of their families and your grandparents on both sides had long ago passed away." She pauses for a while.

I wait for her to continue. For a moment, I visualize myself living in an unfriendly and unloving atmosphere with uncaring foster parents who doesn't care an ounce for me and I turn into a wild rebel, doing drugs and stealing in small shops until the police finally catches me. Okay, maybe it is a bit farfetched but nothing can be ruled out.

For a moment, I think of Kenshin and how he is doing. I'm sure by now he's already going to his new school, meeting new people and making new friends, and by this I mean _girlfriends. _But I remember his love for Tomoe and push the image away. Kenshin won't forget Tomoe easily, if ever though it brings only a small, selfish comfort to my greed heart to know they aren't together again.

And I have noticed that Tomoe is spending a lot of time with that exchange student, Akira-something.

Then Mandy the social worker continues and she says the a shocking thing.

"But you do have a living relative, Kaoru-san."

I gape at her and Misao squeezes my hand reassuringly. "Hear that, Kaoru-chan! You aren't going to any stranger's home but a relative! I wonder who it is! If she's a he or she and if he or she is rich and kind and – oops!" Misao reddens when she realizes she's babbling and bows down her head in embarrassment. Sano bursts out laughing and I had to resist my giggles.

Mandy fixes her suit and continues, "As I said, you have a living relative. She is the half-sister of your Grandmother Lynn, Kaoru-san and she has just been recently informed of your loss and the circumstances. She, Sanada Yuri, has graciously agreed to take care of you until you're of legal age."

My heart speeds up. I sort of remember Grandma Lynn, who's the mother of father, telling me when I was still small and she was still alive that she had a special sister she loved very much. But Grandma Lynn kept on saying that 'she' was gone and I always associated this that 'she' was dead. I'm mistaken in that assumption, it seems.

"Really? Why didn't I know that she's still alive? My father would have told me if he'd had a living aunt," I ask with a shrug of my shoulders. "Grandma Lynn kept telling me that her special sister was gone and I'd always thought, like, dead or something."

"It seems that when Sanada-san was still young, probably your age back then, she ran away with a biker with a bad reputation and Sanada-san's father, as well as your Grandma's father, disowned her since he was very old-fashioned and greatly cared for his self-image," Yokohama-san informs us, taking off his glasses and wiping it with his handkerchief and puts it back on. "And your Grandma was greatly traumatized because she'd reportedly loved her half-sister more than anyone. Plus, her father had told her that Sanada-san had died. Very cruel of him, if you ask me."

I nod, feeling sorry for my Great-Aunt whom I never met before and especially for my Grandma. She must have taken it pretty hard when her father told her Great-aunt was dead. Then I wasn't technically wrong after all.

"That's pretty harsh," Misao says angrily.

"Totally," I seconded. Sano just nods in agreement.

"So, where does this Sanada Yuri live?" I ask, wondering where I'm going to live. It just occurs to me that I'm going to be moving away, and probably to a very far place and leave my friends. Just like Kenshin. _I can't handle that! _

Misao seems to realize the same thing since she suddenly looks pale.

Mandy frowns before answering.

"She lives in America, to be more specific, in Canada."

My eyes widen as disbelief and an acute sense of relief washes over me and my thoughts begin to whirl wildly in my head. Canada. I'm going to be living in Canada. That's where Kenshin is. He's in Canada right now and soon I will be too. But oh, what are the chances of us meeting? But still, Canada! The same state as him, probably! But I'll leave my friends. But I can be with Kenshin. _Oh no, oh god! _

Misao's grip on my hand slackens and she pulls away and I blindly look at her, not really seeing her at all. I'm still in enormous shock. Her face is full of incredulity and hurt and I sober a little as her jade eyes fill with tears. Sano's hand touches my shoulders and I still dazedly look at him and see the dark but resigned expression on his face. Then past him, I see Aoshi and the look of suppressed pain in his eyes. Next to Kenshin, he's probably my greatest friend. After all, we've been best friends since Kindergarten, since we were still toddlers.

And shamefully, the sadness did not overpower the joy I felt with the prospect of being with Kenshin again.

"I'm going to Canada," I say in wonder and anguish.

Then I remember Kenshin's words before he left: "I'll see you later…"

I feel the salty tears sliding down my cheeks.

_I'll see you later…Kenshin…_

-X-

THE END

-X-

A/N: That's it. That's the end. And I'm not making a sequel, well not in the near future anyway, since it's quite obvious from the turn of events whose going to end up with whom. Anyway, that's the original ending I came up with and I'm sticking with it because it's the best ending I've got for this story. Oh, I think the email part was a little overkill but hey, Kenshin can be frank when he wants too! I just hope I haven't disappointed you all with a totally lousy ending!!!

Now tell me how you love or hate it and what you think of the ending and click that adorable purple button down there that says, 'Submit Review.'

Now to reply with my wonderful reviewers who kept me motivated – even if I did have most of the story written down already:

**Samuraiduck27: **You've been a great reader and my first reviewer and thanks so much for your reviews. I was greatly flattered when you said my fanfic is _probably _the only fic that made you cry. Well, I don't cry when I read my own story but that's probably on account because I know what's happening already! Thanks very much anyway!

**TimeWarper:** Thanks for all of your nice reviews! It really made my day, you know, that you understood how pressured us writers can be.

**Moon&Stars: **It's all right to cry when reading fanfics. Lord knows I've cried plenty when reading my favorite stories! Domo arigatou!

**Layarine: **Thanks for your reviews. I can't say anything else. Only that I love hearing my story is liked. :P

Drac-frst: I'll tell you a secret. I think Kaoru is prettier and kinder too. I don't like Tomoe at all. No offense to you all Tomoe-fans but Kaoru's just my kind of girl. Strong, beautiful and endlessly selfless. 

**The evil witch**: Man, you only almost cried. That's all right. I love angst, don't you? And thanks for the reviews you gave me.

**Brittanie love: **Arigatou gozaimasu for the reviews and encouragement!

**Black-lotusblossom: **No, I so don't have anything against Kaoru and Kenshin since they're my most favorite couple in the world! Though, I also do stray but still they stay as my favorite. Thanks for R&R-ing my story!

**Wistful-Eyes**: Ooh, cool name. Yeah, it does suck that things don't always go your way. I've always wanted to do a story with a lot of point of view and viola this story is born, well, three point of views anyway.

**Jomai, nene-chan, hikaru0918, Aikawarazu Ai, half-breed-demon-fox, Chibi Kitty sorceress, Bina: **All I can say is, thanks for reading!

**Flaming amber: **Well, I tried not to make it too predictable. Just hope the ending wasn't too predictable either. Thanks for the reviews also!

**The evil-witch, rain angst, grlquit46: **I know. Isn't drama and angst so great? Don't worry, Kaoru will have a great ending. It's just up to your imagination!

**Irulan 24: **Wow, thanks so much. I didn't know about that cop-at-the-door stuff. Call me ignorant or whatever. And I was really touched that you thought that it was so heartfelt and realistic. ::giggles with overexcitement:: Wow, first time someone said 'Kudos to you.' Thanks!!!! Well, its up to your point of view if Kaoru will always have unrequited love or not but for me, she and Kenshin will always be together.

See you in my other fanfics. Ciao.


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